fussing over

First Goodbye

2012-01-14T09:04:00.001+08:00

Passed by the city without even giving a glance

Should have I bothered to hand you this chance?

In this messed up world full of stories untold

I have been so generously bold

Chose to play the role with audacity

Now I need to leave the uncertainty

Don't want to think, can no longer hide

So now I'll bid our first goodbye

14Jan2012 02:24

If. Then. Else.

2012-01-02T19:57:00.002+08:00

As a child we were taught that putting your hand on fire will hurt you, we were told to look at both sides of the street before crossing a road. That we have to look where we are going if we don't want to hit our head on a wall. And as we grow older, these became part of our daily instincts. We avoid things that we know would deliberately cause us serious pain or would hurt us. And our parents let us go out in the world trusting that we would make the right decisions.

But when did we stop following logic and reason? When did we start being careless?

Somehow, along the way, we forget everything we learned because of the people surrounding us. Because we want to feel good even for just a moment. A minute. Or sometimes even for just the hope of eventually being happy.

Transitions

2011-12-30T10:51:00.001+08:00

2011 is coming to a close. Another year gone by. I would've said it has been an uneventful year. But it isn't. Lots of things has happened in the latter part of the year. Physically and emotionally. I guess it just reinforces the saying that emotional pain is worse than the physical one. Much harder to cure and easier to conceal.

2012 is so close that it actually scares me. It means enough waiting, no more procrastinating. Decisions to be made and priorities to be set. I want to be in someone else's priority, but for now, I need to just prioritize me. Not to be selfish, but to leave something for myself. It's been so long since I've been broken, and I have no intention of letting it happen again... But if it's worth it, I might just let it...

Beg Borrow and Steal

2011-12-30T10:30:00.001+08:00

The brightness blinds me
On this gloomy Friday morning
Holding on to the night
That passed swiftly in my sleep
I'm poised to jump over the edge
Without looking or thinking clearly
The doubts still haunts me
And follows me all too freely
Begging for arms to hold on to
While I slip in this illusion
For something to grab my hands
While my life is turning its tables
Will the world let me borrow time
To have it quite stand still
In this crowded city life
Full of empty noise and fear
I'd let someone steal me away
With words of new beginning
Whisk me off my feet
With a promise of fairy tale ending

19Sep2011 2:22PM

It has been a while since I last posted anything online...

self soothing

2011-08-14T22:38:00.000+08:00

My self-soothing skills can sometimes amaze me…

This time, don't need another perfect line. Don't care if critics ever jump in line.

- Secrets by One Republic

It don't matter what you say, I know I could never face someone that could sound like you.

- All the Right Moves by One Republic

Wandering Aimlessly

2011-08-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

I want to scream or shout or do something that'll calm me down.

I'm not angry, just tired I guess.

Will try to write and maybe I'll feel better.

Don't want to do it in Facebook 'cause I don't really want everyone to know and ask me questions.

I need to write more again.

I'm back to reading which is always good and keeps my mind from wandering aimlessly.

It's so gonna be a mess.

I'm a mess.

Who isn't?

I had a dream...

2011-05-17T20:42:00.000+08:00

Well actually, come to think of it, "dreams".

A few years ago I dreamt that I was getting married. I was actually wearing a wedding gown and apparently on my way to the church. I saw the groom's face in my dream back then, he's someone I haven't seen yet. But now, I can hardly remember what he looked like.

I remembered about that dream because last night I dreamt that I already have a husband and a son. I don't remember my "husband's" face in the dream and the reason why I know he is my husband is the feeling we usually have in our dreams wherein we know the part a specific character is playing.

I no longer remember his face... but I still remember who I felt he is suppose to be…

"We only see what we wanna see when we're ready to see it" - How I Met Your Mother

♪ Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears... ♪

2011-04-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

I am loving this song...

I heard it first in Elizabethtown. I like this movie, I mean, it's like a someone telling you a story. A story about a life, a loss and the life after such...

There are also lots of songs played during the movie which are all lovely to the ears. This movie actually reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I don't know why. Maybe because of Kirsten Dunst or maybe because of the mood of the characters... Either way, they're both beautiful movies (at least for me they are).

You have 5 minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, discard it and proceed. - Elizabethtown

Our March in Hong Kong

2011-04-05T23:02:00.001+08:00

Cold, busy, different and the same. That's how I'd describe Hong Kong when we were there.

We arrived in HK at past 1am in the morning (which was sooo cold) and was able to get some sleep around 3am. We approximately got 4 hours of sleep before our first stop and adventure...

The Peak

We left the place we're staying a few minutes before 8am and as soon as the lift door opens, we were greeted by a cold, breezy Wednesday morning, 13C cold, that I had to go back up and add to my already 3 layers of clothing a shawl. Then, we're off to the peak!

We went there to see the view of city. There were a group of young students (probably around 7yr olds) with their parents conducting a survey with the tourists. I remembered having a hard time spelling the word 'Philippines' (that I would just write Phils instead) because the kids had to write the country of origin of each tourist they asks. We only stayed for an hour or so because there's not much to do up there and our main plan for the day is to go to Ocean Park!

Ocean Park

This theme park was huge and still expanding. I didn't expect it to be that big. It houses so many attractions that I think we only managed to ride and see/watch those that we think are interesting or fun.

Avenue of the stars

2nd day starts with some shopping and a walk in the Avenue of the Stars. Probably because of the chilly weather (owing to the fact that it is an open area by the bay where it's also very windy) this is the place where we goofed around the most. We were literally lying on the ground laughing and taking outrageous photos. We spent a couple of hours there and walking towards the Terminal where we'll ride a ferry that'll take us to Macau to meet our friend working in China!

Macau
Macau was ok. I think there's not much to see and do unless you're a gambler or you enjoy Casinos. Nevertheless, I think it is an interesting place. Interesting for me because they were colonized (i think) by the Portuguese. Their old buildings and structures and even the streets in Senado Square are definitely Portuguese inspired.

HK Disneyland

Last stop of the trip? - Of course is Hong Kong Disneyland. This park is definitely one for kids. We didn't get to do much here as some attractions are closed at that time and the weather is quite gloomy. It did rain in the afternoon just as we are about to leave for the airport.

I might come back to Hong Kong and next time try to allot enough time for everything.

After our 3 day HK trip, it's time to hit home (that is before going back to Singapore)!

2011-04-03T22:52:00.000+08:00

We were in Hong Kong a few weeks ago to celebrate a friend's birthday.

It was cold, drizzling and lots of fun!

I'll probably write about it in detail in the next couple of days. :D

I doesn't really matter where you go, what's important and will make the trip worthwhile is the people you're with.

Have you met...

2011-04-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

The (fraternal) twins?!?!!?

The naughty and mischievous MJ.

Marcel Jace playing with, umm, my travelling stuff...

The sweet and always smiling LJ.

Lex Julian being attacked by the Disney Characters!!

They are currently the apple of my eyes.

When they were around 1yr old

My sooo adorable and naughty nephews!

A few months before turning 2

I hope I'll see them again soon...

Angry Birds!!!

2011-04-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

Angry Birds stuffed toy

I am not really a big fan of video games, same goes for phone games (applications). But when Angry Birds suddenly became a craze, I decided to give it a try. Yes it was addicting, sometimes frustrating and it is a really good game to pass time with. Unfortunately, like every other game I tried to play and download, my interest on it didn't last too long. Nevertheless, every Angry Birds merchandise I see makes me smile, so when I saw the little stuffed toy, I just had to buy it. I do have plans of throwing it at someone who kinda has a resemblance to its archenemy. ;)

The fight!

Walk walk walk

2011-04-03T21:50:00.001+08:00

Just got home from the Vice Ganda show here in Singapore and I realized that the reason why I don't gain much weight is the fact that here, you have no choice but to walk most of the time and sometimes stand for hours...

As an illustration, this is a "portion" of the shaded path I walk on to get to the bus stop every morning.

So for those who are planning to come here, be sure you're ready for a "long walk".

I got it back

2011-02-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

Remember the time I was grinched? Well, the reason for that was during our pre-Christmas dinner, instead of the usual Exchange Gifts we decide to give it a twist and did Grab-a-Gift instead. It was a bit hard to explain but I'll try to anyway.

Everyone has to bring a unisex gift. Then we'll draw on who goes first, second and eventually last. The one who goes first will pick his gift from the loot and open it in front everyone. The second one will do the same, however, before he picks a gift from the loot, he has a choice if he wants to grab the gift chosen by number 1. If he decides to grab number 1's gift, number 1 will have to then pick a gift from the loot to replace the one that was grabbed from him. It continues that way, so suffice to say, the last one to pick a gift is the luckiest as he is the one who can grab anybody's gift. Being a naughty and playful bunch that we are, a friend of mine decides to grab my gift (which I already really liked) to simply annoy me! It was all good fun. But since he only did it to annoy me, he returned it to me as late birthday present.

I still need to learn how to use it though... ;)

Oh and I also got another late birthday present! A black corsage bracelet which is so elegant that will go pretty well with a black dress. Now all that's missing is a guy and I'm all set for a date. Hmmm, I wonder if I get that as a present too...

Marina Bay Sands

2011-02-27T17:45:00.000+08:00

Looking up

Looking Down

Human vs Cylon is up and running!

2011-02-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

I already forgot how many times I've been to Universal Studios Singapore but the my last 2 trips there was so much fun! 2 weeks ago I went there with my friends who visited from Manila. Lucky us because there were so few people and there wasn't any sign of rain clouds in sight.

We did the rides and the shows and while resting we saw this:

Battlestar Gallactica is already up and running. We didn't expect it to be open until after a week (as announced). When we checked it out, it says "Technical Rehearsal" but is already open for public. The "Technical Rehearsal" bit didn't stop us from riding it 4 times (twice on human and twice on cylon)!

The picture was actually taken on the tracks itself (explaining the looks on everybody's face) while we are twisting and turning. We actually find the Cylon much better and more fun, probably because it'll turn you upside down at least 4 times in 75 seconds. But the placement of the camera in Cylon isn't as good as the one in Human so we didn't buy that picture. We were so lucky to have tried it and I also can't wait to do it again, as scheduled on the invite with another set of friends!

So after a week, I am in USS again! I don't mind though as I'm so excited to ride it over and over again. Since it is a preview for those invited, the streets of USS was literally empty.

That night, in total, we rode both 6 times! And we still can't get enough that we are going there again next week! Yipee! I'm excited to see the look on everybody else's face this time as I'm pretty sure there'll be lots of screaming and cursing!

See you next week USS!

One Wish Tonight

2011-02-27T01:18:00.000+08:00

I wish I am pretty with sweet porcelain cheeks
Have a soft gentle voice that'll say goodnight when you sleep
Soft hands to hold yours in the cold rainy days
And eyes that'll warm your heart in so many ways
Things I wish I am and those I wish I'm not
Will haunt me tonight for it's all that I've got
So in this evening's slumber, dreams kindly be fair
And grant me one wish - just please be there

I have a new crush...

2011-01-02T18:34:00.000+08:00

I have a new crush...

Aaron Johnson

I didn't realize it was him in the movie The Greatest.

I watched Kick Ass yesterday which is cool and reminded me of Kill Bill.

But I love him in Nowhere Boy.

Sigh... oh and he's engaged to the Nowhere Boy director (20+ his senior) who has given birth to their daughter last July... Lucky them...

A Peaceful and Blessed New Decade to Everyone!

2011-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Let's all raise a glass for the past, the present and the wonderful things to come!!!

Bradley, Oh Bradley...

2010-12-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

Akin ka na lang....

Sigh...

Generous Me

2010-12-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling generous to my best friends today... And the luckiest of them all (as of today) is Joyce payat (my mom calls her that and I have another friend my mom calls Joyce taba) :D

If she doesn't show up in our doorsteps, it'll be forfeited! ;)

I miss my friends back home... Good thing I'll see them in less than 3 weeks...

pa-Asa

2010-12-27T23:37:00.001+08:00

I wanted to post this a few days ago. But since it was nearing Christmas at that time, I decided to postpone it.
So, here it goes...

Pa-Asa ka na naman e!

There, I've said it.

Moving on...

Lazy Boxing Day

2010-12-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

Home-baked cupcakes from Chuck :)

Just stayed home and watched Robert de Niro films - Analyze This, Analyze That and Taxi Driver... Got a bit inspired to do just that because we just watched an episode about him in Bio. He is really good looking, specially in The Godfather II ;)

Back to work tomorrow. The last week of 2010.

A prayer for my family, friends and country

2010-12-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

A Happy and Blessed Christmas to all! :)

Grinched :(

2010-12-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

♪Where are you Christmas

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas

Do you remember

The girl you used to know

You and I were so carefree

Now nothing's easy

Did Christmas change or just... me ♪

Just because I was 'Grinched'...

lighted gray

2010-12-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

The lights are all bright now

Blinding me with their colors

Streets filled with cars and people

Rushing and pushing to make their way

Feeling the cold wind on my face

Wishing the world to stay still

Holding my breath and summon courage

As the sky changes once more to gray ...

Blog test!

2010-12-19T17:26:00.001+08:00

Testing blogging via email. ;)

History, Discovery, Bio and Nat Geo

2010-12-19T14:08:00.000+08:00

I used to watch these channels every weekend, but the past few months I've been watching too much movies and series on my laptop that I kinda forgot about our television.

Yesterday I watched was the Bio of Benazir Bhutto which I recorded in our set up box (very useful feature). Her story was like that of the Aquino's but more tragic and chaotic because of the history of her country, Pakistan. I guess there are people like that, people who prioritize their country above everything else, even their family. Today, we watched how the great city of Shanghai is getting a transformation with the construction of Shanghai Expo. We also watched the effects of a major volcano eruption and how deadly an encounter with a great white shark really is. Now I'm watching Commander in Chief: George Bush.

It's becoming an educational weekend for me... :)

My soulmate... for now (sequel)

2010-12-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

It took me 2 years and 1 month (to be exact) to finally be with my soulmate... And I'm so glad I waited for this release...

I know I know, my post was almost 3 months delayed but I kinda was busy or, well, just lazy.

What do I like about it...

- I no longer need my iPod touch

- I can now listen to RX Morning Rush

- surfing the net and checking FB is so much easier

- chatting via YM is way easier

- haven't tried facetime yet but it's suppose to be cool

- instagr.am application makes picture taking so much fun

- the screen resolution is so much better than the 3gs

I guess there's a few more that I can still add to the list but I'll just leave it at that for now... I'd like to keep my relationship with my soulmate private. ;)

Lomo-fied

2010-12-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

I am loving my new blog layout. :D The picture I used was taken while we were at Starbucks Holland V. I liked the sepia and lomo feel of the page...

I also discovered the beauty of lomo photography (did I get that right?) because of an application I downloaded on my phone. :D

My Office Desk

The first Christmas present I received

Bugis Christmas Tree (♪ no one to buy you, give yourself to me... hehehe)

pseudo-chandelier from one of the shops at Haji Lane

What came first? The music or the misery?

2010-12-18T21:19:00.001+08:00

I decided to watch High Fidelity after a comic strip I read a few days ago (can't find it anymore though) referenced John Cusack on that movie. Didn't have high expectations as I didn't liked the book that much, got quite bored with it actually. But, I find the movie entertaining, quite opposite of the book, and it might just be on my Top 5 feel good/light movies. :)

"I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open, and that's suicide... by tiny tiny increments."

"If you really wanted to mess me up, you should've gotten to me earlier"

♪ Who died and made you King... of anything??? ♪

2010-12-15T16:44:00.002+08:00

It's a Wednesday and I'm home, sick (just a bit) and this video/song made me smile. :)

♪ Let me hold your crown, babe. ♪

Hand Me Down

2010-11-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

I am so in love with this song....

The way Rob sang it is just amazing, add up the guitar and it's perfect, just perfect.

Someday they'll open up your world

Shake it down on a drawing board

Do their best to change you

They still can't erase you...

I guess I'm just another hand me down...

A disaster magnet who doesn't have a boyfriend and will probably end up blind

2010-11-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Me!?

Ok, I guess I'll just write about stuff I did or happened that I didn't want to forget...

Watched Social Network, You Again and Due Date. Liked Social Network the most.

Also attended a lingerie fashion show! Hmmm... Might need to update this blog with pictures. :D

First is our short Bintan, Indonesia trip. It was my 2nd time to go there but this time with different set of friends. We only stayed overnight and I was expecting it to be an uneventful and relaxing trip but the first day turned out otherwise. The ferry ride was a breeze for me because since I was the last addition to the Bintan troopers, I was booked at Emerald class as the Economy one is already fully booked. But when we arrived at Bintan terminal I was suddenly a disaster magnet. As I was getting in the van we rented, I bumped into a protruding screw and got myself bruised. Next, when we were having breakfast at a restaurant, the waiter dropped 2 glasses around me which shattered into hundreds of pieces. I didn't move for a few seconds for fear of getting a cut. After that we went to one of the islands with the Chinese temple and tall statues where I was feasted on by the mosquitos!!! My legs were full of mosquito bites and the weird thing is, I was the one with the most and worst bites. At that point I was praying 'please don't them be Dengue mosquitos'. And to top off that first day, while we're having our lunch (at 3pm), the glass that was given to me have ants on it. That day reminded me of the movie You Again. Good thing our second day was spent mostly at the pool and beach, hence, not much bad stuff. Overall it was fun and I'm hoping we could all do it again. If there's one thing I learned from that trip is that a litre of water is your best friend when drinking absolut, bailey's and bintang beer. ;) Oh and we had nice underwater pictures too, note to self, ask Madie for a copy.

Next is I think I'm slowly adapting the Australian culture of drinking (immediately) after work. Didn't want to go and do it but I had to. Didn't like the idea though, I'm the dinner then drink kind of person.

At our swimming class this afternoon I was asked by our instructor if I now have a boyfriend. I thought I heard him wrong but my friends confirmed that that's what he really said. I mean why would he ask that, it's a sensitive topic for single girl, right??! My response, I'll probably have an imaginary one by tomorrow. And then a few minutes later, while he was teaching us how to throw a rope to someone in the water, I unintentionally threw mine straight to his face. I was sorry about it... ;)

Watched Due Date after swimming and went to buy a set of disposable contact lenses. I had my eye grade checked again 'cause I'm pretty sure it got a bit worse because the usual 4.00 and 4.50 I'm using is no longer as clear as I remember it should be. I was expecting a 0.25 to 0.50 increase but to my disappointment it was much more than that. It is now at 5.75 and 6.50! I mean at the rate I'm going, I'll be blind before I even reach 40. He gave me a lower grade contacts for now to not shock my eyes with the sudden increase. It still upsets me, I want to try LASIK but I read that I should have a stable eye grade for at least a year before I could qualify. Oh well...

Looking forward to watching the Pacquiao fight at our boss' house tomorrow while having Filipino food for breakfast. After that, I'll head to a surprise birthday party with again, Filipino food for lunch. :D

Sigh... I'm sooo glad I'm not too hard to please, happy food, and in this case, Filipino food will likely make me feel better tomorrow. ;)

2010-10-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

Have you ever closed a door on someone else's (annoying) face?

Try it, it feels sooo good...

I wanna bathe you in the light of day...

2010-09-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute, 'cause the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you...

:)

A good month

2010-09-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

Been a while since my last post.

I am no longer too busy with work, I guess I just started reading again (yipee!!) that's why I kind of put writing aside for a while.

I just finished reading The Kite Runner and I really liked it. It's a bit different from the American and English novels I always read that's why I find it refreshing. It opens up my mind to a different culture and way life. A different drama. Stories like that makes me more thankful for the life that I have and had and the possibilities of what I may still have...

I haven't picked up my guitar in the last few weeks... sad, sad... I guess having too many things scheduled over the weekends is taking a toll on some of my pre-arranged activities, oh well, I'll have to get back to trying to play the guitar soon, and I mean really soon...

We also watched Voyage de la Vie 2 weeks ago. I was left amazed by the performers (in more ways than one, hehe). Had a good time that day. Good swim, good food and a good show.

Swimming. One of the things I look forward to now (next to weekends and long holidays)! A couple of weeks ago we were taught different ways of jumping (not diving) into the water and in order to do that, we have to be in the deep portion of the pool. I didn't remember if I was afraid because it was deep and that I haven't really tried treading in the water, all I remember was that we were all laughing because 2 of us were a little scared of jumping in. Eventually, after a few seconds of procrastinating, we all jumped in. :) It was a really fun lesson, still brings back a smile to my face. And last week, all 4 of us were able to do 20 laps! :D The only drawback of this activity is that I'm getting way too tanned... Way too tanned...

"For you, a thousand times over..." - The Kite Runner

I wonder when...

She loves me, loves me not...

2010-08-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

Love-hate relationships!!! It sometimes drains the energy out of me.

That's how I describe my relationship with my one and only sister. There are days when it doesn't seem like I love her, but I do, I really do.

Sometimes in the heat of an argument or if she's in a foul mood and would take it out on me, I would always ask myself 'What exactly have i done to make you despise and be annoyed by my mere presence?'. I desperately wanted her to like and appreciate me that I end up giving her whatever she wants and doing whatever pleases her... I spoiled my older sister and there are times that I end up paying the consequences...

There are happy moments too. And I always like the feeling i get when those moments happen. Like when she would cook for me because I had a bad week or simply because I wanted a home cooked meal. When I got sick she bought me congee and took care of me. Sometimes she'd just enter my room and sit in my bed while eating her dinner - I think she misses me (because we no longer share a room). She now holds my hand while walking outside (she used to hate it when I hold hers). One morning, while I was sleeping, she simply laid down beside me while surfing the net on her laptop. It's those things that make me want to hug her.

We're getting along most of the time and we are learning to compromise. We would give each other space once one of us is in the brink of throwing a fit. We're learning to be a sister to each other, we're not exactly the best of friends, but that's okay. Sister trumps friends anyway... :D

We are not meant to be (The Elusive Dress Part 2)

2010-07-27T10:14:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, my sister and I went to around 4 malls to look for the dress from Dorothy Perkins and another dress from Miss Selfride. Miss Selfridge only has 4 branches here and we've already been to two of them the previous day. So our first stop was at Bugis for the DP, and it's no longer available there. Next stop was Marina Square for the MS dress. Didn't find it there too. Then, we went to OG Orchard for another DP, still didn't find it there. Our last stop was at Paragon for the last MS shop, we found the dress there but they don't have my size. Sad sad. The branch manager was nice enough to tip us that new collections arrive every Tuesday and the best time to go and shop at their stores are from Tuesday evening to Thursday to avoid the weekend shoppers. We went home with tired legs and feet and I also realized that we didn't buy anything from any of the 4 malls we've been... Hmmm... That's weird. Hehehe.

So yesterday, I went to the Great World City mall after going to the salon to still look for the DP dress. By this time, I've resigned to the idea that I may not be able to find it anymore. And as expected, I didn't. I also realized that there are only 2 DP stores I didn't visit and I'm too tired and exhausted to go to Tampines or find the direction for People's Park.

Dorothy Perkins Branches:

~~BHG Bugis~~

~~Great World City~~

~~Marina Square~~

~~OG Orchard Point~~

OG People's Park

~~Plaza Singapura~~

~~Raffles City~~

Tampines 1

~~Wisma Atria~~

Miss Selfridge Branches:

~~Marina Square~~

~~Paragon~~

~~Raffles City~~

~~Wisma Atria~~

Oh well, I guess we're not meant to be. And I'm ok.

I think I'm good at letting go and I'm not entirely sure if that's a good thing or a bad one...

On a different note, it's ok to turn down the guy asking you out while he is rinsing (and attending to) your hair, right? I figured if things go wrong, I think I can totally rock a short hair do! :p

The Elusive Dress

2010-07-25T10:35:00.000+08:00

A bit sad... I went to 3 different Dorothy Perkins shop yesterday just to find this particular dress. I saw it first last Wednesday at Marina Square. It was the last piece for that particular design and it was my size. Unfortunately, there was something wrong with it so I chose not to buy it then. So yesterday, before going to our swimming lessons, I went to Wisma Atria to see if they have it at their branch but they don't. I figured, there are still at least 5 or so Dorothy Perkins in Singapore that I can go and visit. After swimming and the movie, we went to Plaza Singapura and we found it there, again last piece and my size. To my dismay, there was also something wrong with that piece. The girl at that branch was nice enough to call the Raffles City Mall branch to ask if they also have it, and they do! So we went there to check it out. For the 3rd time, it was the last piece and still my size. But the big "but" is, it is also not in a very good condition... :( For a dress that'll cost me a hundred bucks, I at least want it to be in the best condition. Sigh...

I guess I'll be doing a "Singapore mall tour" later or the coming week just to find this elusive dress.

Tiptoes

2010-07-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

I told a friend that whoever thinks that the world revolves around them and that every Facebook comment they read is about them is either conceited or just plain paranoid.

And I won't be tiptoeing for their sake.

Point made.

names names names...

2010-07-12T16:40:00.002+08:00

The tips of my fingers still hurt from trying to play the guitar. I want to learn so I bought one last week (Yey!). My lesson started last Saturday and other than my fingers feeling numb, everything else was fun. I still need to practice though. Have to go home early to be able to do so. I remembered having a discussion with a friend regarding how people choose names for their cars or even guitars. She actually named her guitar Peachy, her reason being that the color of her guitar is pink and she didn’t like the name pink so she chooses something close which is, well, according to her, Peach. I also shared how my family’s lack of creativity is apparent on how we name our pets. We named our dogs, Doggie, Chacha and Donut. We used to have a cat named Pussy and my sister named my car Chevy (definitely a give away). So I am now wondering if I should name my guitar. And if I would, what will it be? Wanted it to start with S or T. I’m considering the name Tyke because I like the sound of it but I also like the name Aika because of what it means. Or I may opt not to name it at all… Hmmm… I guess I’ll wait awhile before deciding. I’ll wait awhile until a name feels right…

I’m getting busier by the week, and this time, it has nothing to do with work which is, for now, is a good thing.

Stupid Me

2010-06-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

Wish ko lang! ;)

2010-06-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm the type of person who makes lists. It keeps me organized and gives me a sense of calmness knowing that I am not about to forget something. The reason why I am saying this is because on the cab ride home from watching The Full Monty last Saturday, I had a specific list in mind. It is the list of traits or interests that I wish my (near? - I hope) future boyfriend will have:

- interest in music: playing an instrument or a good singing voice is a major plus

- smart: not necessarily a geek, but someone whom I'll learn a lot from

- athletic: can be basketball, football or swimming with the exception of boxing or anything that has a high probability of injuring or worse, killing him

- interest in books: someone well read is never bad

- a bit tall: a few (at least 3) inches taller than me

- smells good: I like it when a guy smells so good that I had to do a double take once I walk past him

- smile: I'm a sucker for guys with a sunny, contagious smile, top it up with a pair of (or even one) dimples and I'm gonna swoon

The odds of me finding a man who possesses all these is like 1 in a billion. And even if I did find him, he might already be married or taken. Oh well, as I said, this is just my "wish". And I know wishes and dreams seldom come true. Sigh...

Starlight, Starbright, first star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might

Make my wish come true... even just for the night

;) Goodnight!

Start of the End

2010-06-29T21:59:00.001+08:00

After over a year of OTYs and unreasonable work hours

After turning down the opportunities presented to me

After seeing almost everyone go

I decided to Start the End

It's a different feeling than before when the previous offer was presented to me. This time, I didn't feel scared or unsure. I felt rather excited and relieved. I felt happy and comfortable with my decision. I felt good.

I think our era for the "project" has ended. Almost all of us who was there at the start already left or are leaving. It's time for the newbies to take over and prove themselves. Because like us, when the "project" started, they don't have any other choice but to stay.

I'm pretty sure I've disappointed a few people with this decision, but I know that those who are really special to me will understand. And that's enough for me.

It's time to Start the End.

Going Full Monty!!!

2010-06-27T02:10:00.001+08:00

It was a blast. It was soooo funny and refreshing. We didn't really expect that much it being a local production, but man was it good. They did stick to the story line, the songs and singing were ok (not broadway but good). We really didn't know what to expect since we are still in Singapore and certain rules apply but they did not disappoint the crowd, specially the girls in the crowd.. ;)

I'm glad we were able to watch it. Too bad for those who decided not to join us. They still have next week though.

Waiting

2010-06-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

Spent too much time waiting

Anticipating

For something, anything

Anxious

Hoping and wishing

Trying to go about not thinking

Still wondering

When will it come

Patience, time

Give me patience

While I still have time

22Jun2010

Bar Nights

2010-06-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

♪ Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare ♪

2010-06-22T23:22:00.001+08:00

I decided to start listening to Pink's Funhouse album yesterday. It has been in my itouch for months now but I never really listened to it 'cause I thought it's gonna be the same old, loud, angry songs she's known for. To my surprise, it is not what I had expected. It's less angry, more substance and few that's actually subtle to the ear. I'm liking a lot of the songs in the album. Funhouse and Crystal Ball are my favorite for the day because of the specific lines in the song and how it relates to my day.

Funhouse

This used to be a Funhouse

But now it's full of evil clowns

It's time to start the countdown

...

Crystal Ball

Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes

...

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I'm not scared at all

...

My Mentos Moment

2010-06-22T22:41:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I had a Mentos moment. The heel of my left shoe snapped! It happened while I was talking to my colleague. You see, I have this habit of standing on my heels whenever I'm wearing high heeled shoes. Fortunately, it is still somehow attached and I can still walk in it. I did thought of doing what was done on the commercial but I realized that it will only make matters worse as there are small nails protruding from where the heel snapped.

Sigh... Too bad, 'cause I really like those black shoes... Oh well, an excuse to buy a new pair. :D

interested in?

2010-06-04T20:54:00.001+08:00

Just saw in my Facebook account that my profile says I'm "Interested in Women".
Seriously thought of making it both Men and Women.
Opted to just leave it blank.
Hehehe...

;)

Something funny --> http://failbook.com/

Sunkissed

2010-05-31T22:13:00.002+08:00

Washed in the sun

Kissed by the sea

Few stars gazing down on me

Laugh at the right places

Smile at the happy faces

Loud sounds around people I barely knew

I close my eyes to drown things out

And I ended up seeing you

Blankets of skies

Raindrops straight from the clouds

Making memories that never was

In our shared and different world

Time mocks and surrounds me

I close my eyes to keep everything in

But I still ended up losing you

30May2010 10:51 pm

May - Berry

2010-05-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

It's been 2 weeks full of strawberries.

Strawberry Shortcake for our Team Lead's Birthday

Frolick's Frozen Yogurt topped with strawberries

White Hat's Frozen Yogurt again topped with strawberries

Fresh Big Strawberries from California!!!

I was never really a fan of strawberries. I can't remember the first time I tasted it, but I might've not liked the taste then because I always refused when I was offered one. Well, that was before I tried it again. I said to myself that I will try the things I told myself I'd never do again, and I'm glad I'm still keeping that promise.

Sigh.... my long vacation is over...

Q&A et al.

2010-05-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

My SG based friends labeled me as a "cheap and low maintenance date" mainly because when we pay the food bill, I usually pay the least because of the quantity of the food or the type of dish I ordered.

I had my hair permed! Upside: I only need to comb it twice a day. Downside: I can only comb it twice a day.

The first time a friend of mine saw me with my permed hair she said "You look nice with your hair permed. But I like it better when it's straight." - We both laughed at what she just said. Tact was not really her thing.

Whenever I got asked "Kamusta na?" I would usually answer "Eto, buhay pa humihinga." I don't remember when I started giving that answer, but it became my generic response. Come to think of it, it doesn't really sound positive does it?

I was asked if I'm happy. I guess the fact that it took me a while to answer is already a give away. I remember that I was asked the same question a couple of years back and my exact answer was "My happiness and contentment lies in the happiness of the people I love and care about. As long as they're happy, then so am I." This still holds true. Hmmm... I think I need someone who is constantly happy - good luck with that!

I was told to "move on". How can someone who was never really stuck move on?

My 13 year old niece asked me if I have a boyfriend. I told her no, I don't. Then she asked "You're pretty and you don't have a boyfriend?" I'm not entirely sure how to answer nor interpret that one. I just find it really really funny...

Overwhelmingly Home

2010-05-24T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm back home. I've been here a few days already and now I'm dreading the end of my vacation. It's hot back here. I don't mind though. Our family's laughter (amidst the tears) is enough to compensate for the weather. My nieces telling me how pretty I am brings smile to my insecure heart. The twins' playful (and sometimes naughty) demeanor melts me. The kids' innocence touches me. My mom's voice soothes me. I'm overwhelmed. It's the kind of overwhelming that I like.

I still asks myself why.

I still came up blank.

Do I need a reason to stay?

Or maybe a reason to go back?

I still haven't seen any stars since I got here... Can you take me to where I can see them?

Stop

2010-04-22T22:39:00.001+08:00

It's time to stop
Move on
You did it before
You can do it again
You'll find what is yours
And it will not be him
It'll all be okay
Just breathe
And stop ...

Once in a while...

2010-04-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

Easter 2010...

2010-04-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

Had a sumptuous Easter lunch at a friend's place. Yum yum yum!!!

Noticed a bruise on my left knee which I thought was just a normal bruise brought about by my once in a while clumsiness.

Long Island Iced Tea and Bailey's as a siesta drink.

More salmon and baked cheesy potato... Can't seem to resist...

Time to leave to practice swimming.

Tried swimming on a shallow pool 0.9M (I'm scared of drowning!).

Realized the bruise on my left knee was due to my inability to float causing my knee to hit the floor when I start kicking.

I now have a bruise on my right knee too.

Tried swimming on the 1.2M pool.

I think I'm still doing something wrong though it's way better than on the other pool.

Oh well... Mr. S. will just have to teach me closely... :D

Happy Easter!!!

"I feel infinite" - Charlie

2010-04-02T18:16:00.000+08:00

Just finished reading 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. My friend who recommended it to me was right, it was a good light read. Feels like I was in a roller coaster while I was reading it. One moment I was laughing, the next I'm on the verge of tears. It's pretty good considering that it was the author's first book.

"... we accept the love we think we deserve."

Change

2010-03-31T23:03:00.002+08:00

time, write, read... soon, I hope...

2010-03-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

There are a lot (and I mean a lot!) of things I want to write about, but as usual, I haven't found the time to do so. Like my swimming lessons, favorite chocolates and their names (Reese, Royce), our Universal Studio's Singapore (1st visit) experience, work (boohoo!!!), friends, books, have I mentioned swimming lessons? Oh yeah I have, in that case, how about our swimming instructor :D

I do hope I find time to write again... and read again. I'm trying to finish The Lost Symbol but because my copy is hard bound, I find it difficult (and really heavy) to carry in my bag. So, I decided to start on a new book which a friend said is a good one - 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'...

Time... be on my side...

Complications...

2010-03-28T21:37:00.000+08:00

Uncertainty

2010-03-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

procrastinating

2010-02-22T23:37:00.001+08:00

Guilty! But not today. c:

27 Years Gone

2010-01-18T16:23:00.003+08:00

I remember the big house
Big for someone as small as I was
Peeking in the staircase
At a Dad I barely recognized
With toys to lure me
And hugs to keep me safe
Kindergarten years came next
Walking home with a crying sister
Red ribbons and dance steps
Marching and singing
I remember being brought to parks
To inhale the early morning breeze
Provinces with boats
Trains and motorcycles
The loss that came too soon
Until now heís my star
My moon
I remember a childhood
Running around the streets
Playing tag with other kids
Being chased by a dog
In the afternoon summer sun
Being tickled by my cousins
And sharing frozen Funwich
The teen yearís was not all bad
Goody-two-shoes I was
I remember the University years
Booze, books and cigarettes
Broken hearts and hangovers
Guitar, roses, stars
Poems, Feb Fair and nights out
Real world came at last
One job after another
As life is getting harder
Learned to accept itíll be a lot tougher
...
The sun starts to set
27 years are now gone

My not so green of a thumb

2010-01-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

I was never good at taking care of plants. We had a garden when I was growing up. We had gumamela, roses, santan, sampaguita (i still remember how every night the wonderful scent of sanpaguita would fill our home), even aloe vera. My mom is good at taking care of plants. Come to think of it, she's capable of taking care of any living thing... :D Too bad I didn't inherit that trait.

I don't know what I did wrong... All the flowers are now gone... I'm so sorry orchid, you'll see your mommy soon...

Low EQ

2010-01-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

I think my EQ has dropped significantly since i met you...
I find it funny.
Oh well.
It'll all pass.

2010-01-04T23:27:00.000+08:00

Tried to write something positive...

Failed miserably. It took me 30 minutes to realize that my head is in an awful state of mess that nothing cohesive will come out of it. So I give up for tonight...

Probably tomorrow something or someone will inspire me.

acquiescent... me...

2010-01-04T16:49:00.005+08:00

I've been practicing the line I'm suppose to say - "Not today" or "No thanks, maybe tomorrow". I practiced it tens of times yesterday only to end up saying "yes" yet again.

Seriously, when will I ever learn to say No... sa'yo...

Sigh...

5 Minutes Walk from Home

2010-01-03T02:26:00.005+08:00

It's the 2nd night of 2010 and we spent it in wala-wala bar. What a year this is going to be.

We spent New Year's eve at wala-wala and in less than a week, we're back. That's one of the perks of living in Holland Ave, near Cold Storage, Sushi Tei, Thai Express, Parisilk, Subway, Ya Kun Kaya Toast and Bars!!!

Few things I noted while gulping beers:

One, alcohol numbs you - literally. The pain in my wrist subsided while I was drinking, it really did went away. I guess people who say they're drinking to forget the emotional pain and aches do get what they wish for. It's just that as soon as the buzz starts to go away, the pain starts to creep in again. Like how the things you want to forget starts to crawl back into your dreams once you fell asleep. In short, I'm in pain again.

Second, music has and will always be the language of our souls... I have always liked live bands. That's one of the things I missed most in Manila. Live, loud and rockin' bands. Sitting right in front of the drum set made me relive those days. As soon as the guitar, drums, bass, keyboard and if you're lucky like we were, the violin starts to play, everything else goes into mute mode. You don't hear anything around you except the joy, sadness and anger of the sounds playing. Singing along to the familiar songs makes me feel alive. Even if at times I remember things I want to forget or daydream of stuff that might or will never happen.

Third, this year, I'll grab every chance I get to have fun, enjoy, laugh and even cry. I'll only live this life once, might as well enjoy it while I can. I'm not gonna run around like it's the last day of my life but I'm going to grab every opportunity to be happy. It will not be easy, but i'll try. Hmm, knowing me, it'll be tough but I will really really try.

The first song the band sang is One Headlight, one of my favorite songs back in College days... :D

♪ There's got to be something better than in the middle. ♪

Last Goodbye for 2009

2010-01-01T02:34:00.000+08:00

2009 has ended
So I'm giving up
I'm not a quitter
Just a realist
It's been a while
The dream has to end
Reality has to be realized
And life has to move on

01Jan2010 2:35 am

2010 is almost here

2009-12-31T11:29:00.001+08:00

It’s the last day of the year. I’m at the office working (as of the moment, actually blogging). I was supposed to be on leave. But, someone got sick and I have to be around just in case something came up.
Typing is so hard because I had my right wrist wrapped in a bandage. It’s been hurting for a few days now (right after the climb), especially when it is cold. At night, I reeked of BenGay, my sister would complain. Aside from this injury, I still have a cough. Already saw the doctor, gave me some meds, but it’s been 3 days now and nothing.
I’m planning to leave early today, around 3 maybe. I have to lift my spirits up and this environment is barely doing the trick.
It’s almost lunch time. Men-tei Ramen sounds nice for lunch…
The clock is ticking, 2010 is almost here...

Climb On!

2009-12-27T20:50:00.006+08:00

A Happy Happy Christmas to all!!!

It's my 3rd consecutive Christmas here in Singapore. Although my Christmas could've been happier if I were in the Philippines with my family, celebrating it here wasn't that bad. After the anticipated Christmas mass, me, my sister and our friend/housemate had a quick dinner and went straight to Paulaners to meet another friend and had a few drinks while waiting for Christmas to come. Good thing the bar was giving away different hats for the celebration and we were fortunate enough to get the cool ones! =D

Christmas Day - we had Japanese Christmas lunch at Sakae Sushi and watched Avatar in 3D which was worth every penny. We didn't even notice how long the movie was because James Cameron made those 3 hours worthwhile. Kudos to him for making such a spectacular film that will definitely be another historical achievement for Hollywood!

Saturday was the rest day for us and I get to finish another book. Finally! After procrastinating reading for a while, I decided to go through my stack of unread books and pull out Freakonomics which was interesting and was something new for me since I'm mostly into novels. I have picked out another novel to read and I'm hoping I'll be able to finish it before 2009 ends.

Today was the highlight of my Christmas weekend as I attended the Level 1 Climbing workshop!!! A feat for me considering that I was never a big fan of such type of activities. I mean, I appreciate it and watch other people enjoy it, but I never entertained the thought of me actually doing the climbing. Hehehe. It was something new for me and I'm actually liking it. I didn't came out of it unscathed though - I got a bruise an inch and a half in diameter in my left leg. Tsk tsk tsk... And to top it off, my right wrist hurts, I might have sprained it, I might not have. Regardless, I enjoyed it! And the best thing was, I am now Level 1 certified (am not sure that's the right term). Yipee! And we got 2 days free climbing pass just for passing the course, another Yipee!

Finally, to add icing to my long Christmas weekend, I am on leave from work tomorrow. =D

This may not be the best Christmas, but I'm very thankful that the Birthday Celebrant made sure it will be a good one! Thanks Bro! and Happy Happy (belated) Birthday!!!

A letter to Sean...

2009-12-15T23:25:00.001+08:00

I don't know if you would still remember, but everytime I'd go home from Singapore, you'd always tell me not to go back there. You'd only say this once on my every trip home and would never mention it again for the rest of my stay.
Remember when we watched a movie and I thought that you wanted to sit with your Mom so I didn't force you to sit with me.I felt so overwhelmed when Ate Lan told me that you wanted to sit beside me so we asked JV to change seats with you. You're so sweet and I hope you'd grow old that way.

I hope you don't break any girl's hearts because I know, with your looks, you'll be capable of doing that.
You and your sister never asked for anything and appreciate every small or big things we give you. Never selfish and always share stuff with others, well with the exception of Kurt... Hehehe... He easily annoys you, probably because he's a bit hard headed.

And speaking of Kurt, I remember the story where you kicked him because he was hurting Pauline unintentionally. Kurt was still very young and didn't know what he's doing, he thought it was still a game. Kicking him was not right but I am glad that your initial response was to save your sister. Although as you grow up, try to avoid violence, it wouldn't do you good. Always take good care of your sister and parents.Protect them as much as you can.
I am writing this 'cause I want a written account of how you were as a child. I don't want to forget. I don't want the people around you to forget. Most of all, I don't want you to forget. I want you to remember that you're capable of being sweet, selfless, strong and loving. This is you, will always be you.

Back Home

2009-12-10T21:30:00.001+08:00

The familiar morning scent of my room
Pillows, sheets and blankets all groomed
Greeted with smiles and hugs
From those that I've missed so much

Stories over coffee, wine and beer
Laughing until we all end up in tears
Reminiscing friends and old lovers
And of our self made tall towers

Surrounded with happy faces
Kids and adults of all ages
Four generations of love and laughter
I'm glad to be part of this ever after

04Dec2009

The Dream

2009-12-10T21:27:00.002+08:00

I had a happy dream last night

A dream I thought I forgot

Had pushed at the back of my head

But it doesn't seem so

If I can

I would not want to remember

The dream

The reality

The you

10Dec2009 5:03pm

I want to run...

2009-12-09T23:12:00.002+08:00

... away

... to you

... home

... but I always end up running in circles

My Midnight Hymn

2009-11-24T22:10:00.002+08:00

As the night wind rattles my windows

With the starless evening sky

I wrap myself with a blanket

And close my tired tired eyes

I pray that sleep comes soon

For I no longer want to think

Hoping for empty thoughts

For my worries to let me be

I wish for a dreamless slumber

To venture into nothingness

For when I open my eyes

I'll see how I made such a mess

So sleep please visit me now

I don't want to wait long

This is my evening prayer

This is my midnight song

23Nov2009 11:30pm

Take 2

2009-11-15T21:10:00.003+08:00

This is the 2nd time this has happened...

Nakakainis na ang taong gusto mo, ina-assume na sa iba ka may gusto. Sana idilat niya ang maliliit niyang mga mata.

Kung pwede lang talaga...

House Red

2009-11-15T20:52:00.004+08:00

I never preferred red wine. I didn't like how it taste and how it smelled. But a week ago, at a celebration, I was given a choice between red wine and Tiger Beer. If I didn't like red wine, I didn't like Tiger Beer more. I could actually order a different drink but I would be like the odd man out. So, I chose the wine.

I guess we will always find ourselves in a situation where you have to make a choice between the things you never really liked. And the best approach to take is to choose the lesser evil (like in the upcoming Presidential elections). And our decisions and choices might surprise us. It might lead us to things we never really thought we would be able to appreciate. We might actually enjoy it.

At the end the evening it was never really about how I managed to drink 3 glasses of something I never liked. But how I enjoyed every moment of it because of the people I'm celebrating with. Because of the memories we are weaving. Because of the wonderful evening we are having. Because of the stars that are shining on our happy faces...

Happy Endings

2009-11-15T19:12:00.002+08:00

I am not a fan of such. You can call me bitter, pessimistic, a Scrooge and anything you can think of. I just think they're like fairy tales for the old. It makes people believe in the unbelievable and set high expectations on life. And life and everything that revolves around it usually ends up in disappointment, pain and regret. It's always a cycle. A rainbow after the rain. The calm before the storm.

I guess the reason why I dislike it is because I haven't had my happy ending yet. And even if it arrives, will I still be able to enjoy it? After all, as the phrase says, it is the End.

My Sinner and Saint

2009-10-31T21:23:00.002+08:00

In this world of clear cut lines

Just between black and white

Adored a god of good

And enjoyed absurd pleasures

Loved for unadulterated happiness

Have 'caused others pain

Told children fairy tale endings

Believed in tragedies

Looked but dared to touch

Crushed the heart held in hand

31Oct2009 12:43am

A Sad Question

2009-10-24T15:45:00.003+08:00

How are you?

I'm good , fine, great or ok is the usual response. Well, those are the expected response. But what if that is not what you feel? What if you're feeling the exact opposite? Do you lie or do you tell them the truth? Do they even really mean it when they ask you that question or are they just being polite?

'Cause there are times when you just want to blurt out that you're not fine, in fact, you're feeling so awful that you want to disappear. And you don't want to lie anymore. You want to put down the stupid mask and end the happy facade that's beginning to tire you out. But you can't and you won't.

So next time I get asked this question, I might as well tell them the truth and respond with a smile "I feel like jumping in a pool".

By the way, I don't know how to swim...

We're Good

2009-10-16T16:51:00.001+08:00

The day is coming to a close
This side of the world is getting dark
You put a dot on your last words
A silly smile drawn in my heart
The waiting game is over
Long before we realized
Our lives have moved on
Without having to decide
We're as good as it gets
Learned too long how to let go
It may have been with regrets
But we'll go on with the flow

15Oct2009 07:25PM

Wishing for a starry sky tonight

2009-10-16T09:20:00.006+08:00

It's a Friday. The day started with heavy rains. But I think the sun is starting to come out. I still hear thunders though. A few more hours. And then we can drown our sorrows and laugh away our pains. Even for just a moment, our smiles will be sincere.

Thank You God for friends.

I hope I'd see a starry sky tonight...

Why?

2009-10-12T21:26:00.003+08:00

A random thought.

Most of the time I wonder why, we, people do the things we do. The hurtful things. How some people could do inhumane acts to their own kind.

I guess we are all capable of good and bad. We can choose though, right? Why would some opt the latter.

I don't think I could ever understand. Maybe I would not want to.

It's just sad.

I don't like me happy

2009-10-11T21:06:00.003+08:00

I never really liked me when I'm happy and hopeful. I feel like sooner or later something's gonna go wrong or things are going to break. That's me, a pessimistic, worrier lass. I know it's probably one of the reasons why I'm such a serious person and unable to enjoy the happy moments life and destiny has provided me. At times I wish that I could change me. But sometimes I feel that that specific characteristic keeps me from getting hurt. So now I have to choose between being too happy or possibly getting disappointed...

I hate me happy and giddy

Because of what I feel it says

I shouldn't feel ecstatic

For the things that was never said

I must not read between the lines

It may mean something else

But for now I'll stay lightheaded

At least until tonight

I'll crush my own hopes tomorrow

At the first sign of light

11Oct2009 1:08pm

Thin Wooden Walls

2009-10-05T23:19:00.003+08:00

Woken by a silent cry

Lying on a shaky ground

But here I see just a smile

And nothing else all around

Ears pressed, muffled sounds

Hums and buzz going about

Touching with sleepy hands

Breathing slow near your heart

This evening will come to pass

We'll forget and leave behind

Sheets, pillows and tears

The night, deaf and blind

13Sep209 2:24am

Melt with Me

2009-10-04T21:56:00.002+08:00

Tonight your stare

Be embedded in my eyes

As time stood still

I'll dream of you

Of the moment

I melt at your gaze

And as our arms

Brush each other

The closest I'll ever be

To having you

26Sep2009 2:49am

Not a good week for Asia

2009-10-04T21:49:00.003+08:00

Storms, typhoons, earthquakes and tsunamis...

Not a very good week for Asia. Lives lost, infrastructures damaged and people traumatized. There's no use pointing fingers. It is nature. All we can now do is salvage what can be salvaged, help as much as we can and live learning the lessons it has taught us.

We must move on and take care of our planet, it is the only one we've got.

I don't want to be safe alone

2009-09-27T21:28:00.005+08:00

It's been a very very sad weekend for the Filipino people. Typhoon Ondoy (international name:Ketsana) left out capital and nearby provinces and cities devastated. There were flood everywhere even on the areas where flood was never a problem. And it was not just simple knee deep flood. It was as high as a house or even higher.

I was very worried for my family and relatives. It was very hard to contact them as the communication lines were all down. I am thankful that the flood in our subdivision was not as bad as the nearby villages. It was only knee deep and it did not reach our front steps, it was the first time it happened. It was a very worrying sight. However, some of my relatives were not as lucky as we are. My Uncle's house was filled with flood water that they have to stay at the 2nd floor of their neighbor's house where they ran out of food waiting for help to arrive or rain to stop. They have a 1 month old grandchild with them whose father was stranded in the office. My cousin's place was also flooded, good thing was they have a 2nd floor to retreat to. Last I check, they're all fine now and the flood has subsided a bit but not yet completely gone. I have friends who experienced the same thing with their families in Manila.

It makes us realize that all material things that we have can be gone in a flash. That what we think is important or valuable is really not. It doesn't matter how much we earn or what our status in society is. That in the end, all that matters is our family and their safety. That we're all together and in tact and safe.

It made me want to go home so bad. I don't care if it is not safe. I just want to be with them.

Staying Put

2009-09-24T21:24:00.004+08:00

I went to see the doctor today,. Well, I got a bit scared since my stubbed toe still hasn't healed. I went to the clinic one bus stop from our Client's so that I can go straight to work after. However, after the doctor checked my toe, I was advised to take the day off and rest my foot or prop it on a pillow.

The problem is, once I got home, I can't seem to stay still. The idea of just lying down and not do anything but read a book seems so foreign to me now. So, instead, I did some house chores and cooked. I only managed to stay put at around 4 in the afternoon. I now understand why Mom cannot seem to stop doing things or moving around the house, and I appreciate her even more now for that. I miss her...

I still want those days back though. The days when I won't and don't feel guilty just because I spent over an hour lying down or watching or basically didn't do anything. I think I'm too young to stop appreciating and enjoying the silence and peace of just staying put.

Black and Blue

2009-09-22T22:54:00.003+08:00

My toes are. It's been sore for almost 3 days now and this afternoon it started to turn black and blue. I wrapped my foot with a bandage and wore slippers to work today 'cause it still hurts when I walk or when I try to wear shoes. Not as much as yesterday, but it still does. I was going to see a doctor but I no longer think it is still necessary (self-medication anyone! hehehe).

I cant remember the last time I got this "injured". Since I was never a sporty girl, I rarely get hurt (physically). But I guess sooner or later life will find a way to make you experience things you thought you were able to escape. No one's that lucky!

I'm still thankful. It could've been worse. At least I didn't break any bones, I just ended up with black and blue toes.

Recap

2009-09-21T22:06:00.003+08:00

All things considered, it was a good weekend! :D

We watched Inglourious Basterds last Saturday which was a relief since we originally planned to watch The Time Traveler's Wife and if that plan did pursue, it'll be my 3rd time to see that movie. The not so good thing that happened that day was that I almost broke my camera :( It will still need a bit of repair and I have to bring it to the service center this week.. sad sad sad. Sunday was a rest full day. The only eventful thing that happened was that I got slightly injured running to catch the caller on my phone. You know when your toe got accidentally caught on a corner while walking or turning, that was what happened, mine got caught on the sofa. And since I was practically running, you can imagine the impact and the pain that ensued after. Until now it is sore and painful and I still can't walk properly. But that didn't stop me from going out today and watch The Ugly Truth which was so funny and worth every penny. :D

Last week I also decided to put my itouch on shuffle so that I'll be able to listen to all the songs I have and appreciate them. So when I was listening to it this afternoon, the song Somebody to Love by Queen played and I remember this particular rendition from Ella Enchanted.

Which also made me look for one of my favorite Disney songs from Thumbelina.

This may not be as popular as most of the Disney songs but I really really like it.

After the rain goes, there are rainbows. I'll find my rainbow soon...

Sigh... back to work tomorrow... Sigh...

Tipsy

2009-09-19T22:04:00.002+08:00

Cheap chandeliers on the ceiling

Wine glasses on the coffee table

Cigarettes burning quickly

Lips moving that I can't hear

Smiles that easily turn into tears

Things are all in slow motion

The city lights so bright

Songs playing so loud

Want them all out of my head

Hands numb and cold

Eyes with clear glazed look

Full of empty empty thoughts

With my back on the wall

Trying hard to remember

That I wish to forget

13Sep2009 2:08am

Monkey Bars

2009-09-18T23:51:00.004+08:00

I only played with it twice. The first time was way way back, grade school days. I was with my mom and sister at a playground beside a small grocery store we frequented. I actually was scared of trying it because I'm afraid that my arms won't be able to carry my own weight. But nevertheless, I dared myself to do it. I was halfway through when a boy stumped me by running in front as I was about to move on to the next bar. Needless to say, I accidentally let go, and fell - on my butt. It did hurt. I guess at that time it really really hurt. I managed not to cry but I also told myself that I'd never ever ever try it again. I don't want to be in such pain and be humiliated in front of other kids. After almost 2 decades since that incident, I tried the monkey bars again. I was this time with friends strolling along a park near their place. There were trampouline, see-saw, monkey bars and other stuff. We were kids once again - wiser, stronger and braver kids. So I tried the monkey bars a second time. And finally, after a few minutes of excruciating pain in my arms (man, was I heavy), I was able to get through the other side with a big smile on my face. =)

There are a lot things I told myself I'd never do again. But I guess, when the time is right, when I'm ready and prepared, I'll probably try them all again a second time.

A weekend we can call our own

2009-09-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Finally. After weeks of grueling work, we can finally own this weekend. Don't get me wrong, our tasks are a far cry from completed and the worst is yet to come for our team, but for the next 3 days, we are told not to work. Yipee!

I know for most people, this is the norm, after all, it is the weekend. But unfortunately for us, it hasn't been like that for the longest time. The things that should be normal like being able to go home at 6 (or latest 7) and going out on Fridays are luxuries we are unable to afford. Most of us get disoriented on days when we get to go home early or spend a few hours not working. The only thing that lifts our spirits up is the fact that we enjoy each others company. As the saying goes "Misery loves company" and man are we miserable (because of work)!

So, this weekend we will try not to think about work. We will enjoy it and live it and own it. =D

Hmmm... I guess they just want us recharged because we'll be grilled and burned come UAT. Oh well...

Years from Now

2009-09-18T09:44:00.002+08:00

I want to have kids
To chase and kiss goodnight
Running, stumbling
And who'll hug me tight

I want to have a life
Of no regrets and lies
Something that'll drown
All the tears that I've cried

I want to have shared kindness
As much as I can
To those who've met me
And those that needed a hand

I want to have collected memories
Of family and friends
Of all that life had offered
Before my story ends

16Sep2009 10:10pm

at a lost

2009-09-14T22:17:00.002+08:00

I am...

Most of the time

I don't know what I'm doing

And what I am suppose to do

Am I pretending?

I don't think so

I never said I can

Nor did I say I could

I tried to learn

But one can only learn so much

With such short time

How long can I do this?

I don't know

I'll keep on trying

Until I fail? succeed?

Give up...

Coolness!!!

2009-09-13T23:53:00.002+08:00

Cool song, cool crowd!

Something that made me smile today.