Today I am Happy

For the first time in a very long time.
I am happy.
And it's not because of you.
Not because of how you made me feel. 
This time it's because of me. 
I deserve this. 
I owe this to myself. 
This may not last longer than I hope. 
But I will cherish every moment of it. 
The hours after the realization. 
That you're not the one I want to share this happiness with. 
I might feel differently tomorrow. 
But this is how I feel now. 
And I am happy. 

Frenemies

It’s often said that you have to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I guess that’s the reason why the word ‘Frenemies’ was coined. And with the ruckus surrounding the people around me, I now wonder, are my friends sincere and real or are they just frenemies.

Labels

As a child we were taught to associate things and relationships with labels. You have parents, siblings, friends, relatives, etc. Nothing in between. Those you had fights with are your enemies. Those you play with are your playmates. No grey areas. And then, we grow up. And everything we believed to be black and white are not anymore.

I’ve been recently, and more than once, asked “Are you together?” This particular question is the one I hated the most lately and the one I’ve been avoiding asking myself. Because honestly, I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to know. I tried, failed, tried again, failed miserably. So now I’m stumped. Do I give up and stop? Do I pursue? Or do I just let things run its course? I’m not even sure I want to know the answer. ‘Cause I have to admit, it feels like I’m stuck in the greyest area of the house and I’m getting pretty comfortable in it.

So it all boils down to putting a label in this “relationship”. Is it really that important? Will it make the world a better place to live in? Would it make all the questions go away???

Who am I kidding? Of course it is important. It gives you a sense of comfort and security. A sort of contract of what’s yours and what’s not. A line that’s not to be crossed. I highly doubt it will make the world a better place, but at least one person (ehem) will feel a little better living in it. Will a single label make all the questions go away? No it won’t. But at least it’ll answer one.

First Goodbye

Passed by the city without even giving a glance

Should have I bothered to hand you this chance?

In this messed up world full of stories untold

I have been so generously bold

Chose to play the role with audacity

Now I need to leave the uncertainty

Don't want to think, can no longer hide

So now I'll bid our first goodbye 

14Jan2012 02:24

If. Then. Else.

As a child we were taught that putting your hand on fire will hurt you, we were told to look at both sides of the street before crossing a road. That we have to look where we are going if we don't want to hit our head on a wall. And as we grow older, these became part of our daily instincts. We avoid things that we know would deliberately cause us serious pain or would hurt us. And our parents let us go out in the world trusting that we would make the right decisions. 

But when did we stop following logic and reason? When did we start being careless?

Somehow, along the way, we forget everything we learned because of the people surrounding us. Because we want to feel good even for just a moment. A minute. Or sometimes even for just the hope of eventually being happy.

Transitions

2011 is coming to a close. Another year gone by. I would've said it has been an uneventful year. But it isn't. Lots of things has happened in the latter part of the year. Physically and emotionally. I guess it just reinforces the saying that emotional pain is worse than the physical one. Much harder to cure and easier to conceal.


2012 is so close that it actually scares me. It means enough waiting, no more procrastinating. Decisions to be made and priorities to be set. I want to be in someone else's priority, but for now, I need to just prioritize me. Not to be selfish, but to leave something for myself. It's been so long since I've been broken, and I have no intention of letting it happen again... But if it's worth it, I might just let it...

Beg Borrow and Steal

The brightness blinds me
On this gloomy Friday morning
Holding on to the night
That passed swiftly in my sleep
I'm poised to jump over the edge
Without looking or thinking clearly
The doubts still haunts me
And follows me all too freely
Begging for arms to hold on to
While I slip in this illusion
For something to grab my hands
While my life is turning its tables
Will the world let me borrow time
To have it quite stand still
In this crowded city life
Full of empty noise and fear
I'd let someone steal me away
With words of new beginning
Whisk me off my feet
With a promise of fairy tale ending


19Sep2011 2:22PM



It has been a while since I last posted anything online...

self soothing

My self-soothing skills can sometimes amaze me… 

This time, don't need another perfect line. Don't care if critics ever jump in line.

- Secrets by One Republic

It don't matter what you say, I know I could never face someone that could sound like you.

- All the Right Moves by One Republic