First Goodbye

Passed by the city without even giving a glance

Should have I bothered to hand you this chance?

In this messed up world full of stories untold

I have been so generously bold

Chose to play the role with audacity

Now I need to leave the uncertainty

Don't want to think, can no longer hide

So now I'll bid our first goodbye 

14Jan2012 02:24

If. Then. Else.

As a child we were taught that putting your hand on fire will hurt you, we were told to look at both sides of the street before crossing a road. That we have to look where we are going if we don't want to hit our head on a wall. And as we grow older, these became part of our daily instincts. We avoid things that we know would deliberately cause us serious pain or would hurt us. And our parents let us go out in the world trusting that we would make the right decisions. 

But when did we stop following logic and reason? When did we start being careless?

Somehow, along the way, we forget everything we learned because of the people surrounding us. Because we want to feel good even for just a moment. A minute. Or sometimes even for just the hope of eventually being happy.

Transitions

2011 is coming to a close. Another year gone by. I would've said it has been an uneventful year. But it isn't. Lots of things has happened in the latter part of the year. Physically and emotionally. I guess it just reinforces the saying that emotional pain is worse than the physical one. Much harder to cure and easier to conceal.


2012 is so close that it actually scares me. It means enough waiting, no more procrastinating. Decisions to be made and priorities to be set. I want to be in someone else's priority, but for now, I need to just prioritize me. Not to be selfish, but to leave something for myself. It's been so long since I've been broken, and I have no intention of letting it happen again... But if it's worth it, I might just let it...

Beg Borrow and Steal

The brightness blinds me
On this gloomy Friday morning
Holding on to the night
That passed swiftly in my sleep
I'm poised to jump over the edge
Without looking or thinking clearly
The doubts still haunts me
And follows me all too freely
Begging for arms to hold on to
While I slip in this illusion
For something to grab my hands
While my life is turning its tables
Will the world let me borrow time
To have it quite stand still
In this crowded city life
Full of empty noise and fear
I'd let someone steal me away
With words of new beginning
Whisk me off my feet
With a promise of fairy tale ending


19Sep2011 2:22PM



It has been a while since I last posted anything online...

self soothing

My self-soothing skills can sometimes amaze me… 

This time, don't need another perfect line. Don't care if critics ever jump in line.

- Secrets by One Republic

It don't matter what you say, I know I could never face someone that could sound like you.

- All the Right Moves by One Republic

Wandering Aimlessly

I want to scream or shout or do something that'll calm me down.

I'm not angry, just tired I guess.

Will try to write and maybe I'll feel better. 

Don't want to do it in Facebook 'cause I don't really want everyone to know and ask me questions.

I need to write more again.

I'm back to reading which is always good and keeps my mind from wandering aimlessly.

It's so gonna be a mess.

I'm a mess.

Who isn't?

I had a dream...

Well actually, come to think of it, "dreams".

A few years ago I dreamt that I was getting married. I was actually wearing a wedding gown and apparently on my way to the church. I saw the groom's face in my dream back then, he's someone I haven't seen yet. But now, I can hardly remember what he looked like.

I remembered about that dream because last night I dreamt that I already have a husband and a son. I don't remember my "husband's" face in the dream and the reason why I know he is my husband is the feeling we usually have in our dreams wherein we know the part a specific character is playing. 

I no longer remember his face... but I still remember who I felt he is suppose to be… 

"We only see what we wanna see when we're ready to see it" - How I Met Your Mother

♪ Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears... ♪

I am loving this song...

I heard it first in Elizabethtown. I like this movie, I mean, it's like a someone telling you a story. A story about a life, a loss and the life after such...

There are also lots of songs played during the movie which are all lovely to the ears. This movie actually reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I don't know why. Maybe because of Kirsten Dunst or maybe because of the mood of the characters... Either way, they're both beautiful movies (at least for me they are).

You have 5 minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, discard it and proceed. - Elizabethtown