Sunday, September 27, 2009

I don't want to be safe alone

It's been a very very sad weekend for the Filipino people. Typhoon Ondoy (international name:Ketsana) left out capital and nearby provinces and cities devastated. There were flood everywhere even on the areas where flood was never a problem. And it was not just simple knee deep flood. It was as high as a house or even higher.

I was very worried for my family and relatives. It was very hard to contact them as the communication lines were all down. I am thankful that the flood in our subdivision was not as bad as the nearby villages. It was only knee deep and it did not reach our front steps, it was the first time it happened. It was a very worrying sight. However, some of my relatives were not as lucky as we are. My Uncle's house was filled with flood water that they have to stay at the 2nd floor of their neighbor's house where they ran out of food waiting for help to arrive or rain to stop. They have a 1 month old grandchild with them whose father was stranded in the office. My cousin's place was also flooded, good thing was they have a 2nd floor to retreat to. Last I check, they're all fine now and the flood has subsided a bit but not yet completely gone. I have friends who experienced the same thing with their families in Manila.

It makes us realize that all material things that we have can be gone in a flash. That what we think is important or valuable is really not. It doesn't matter how much we earn or what our status in society is. That in the end, all that matters is our family and their safety. That we're all together and in tact and safe.

It made me want to go home so bad. I don't care if it is not safe. I just want to be with them.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Staying Put

I went to see the doctor today,. Well, I got a bit scared since my stubbed toe still hasn't healed. I went to the clinic one bus stop from our Client's so that I can go straight to work after. However, after the doctor checked my toe, I was advised to take the day off and rest my foot or prop it on a pillow.

The problem is, once I got home, I can't seem to stay still. The idea of just lying down and not do anything but read a book seems so foreign to me now. So, instead, I did some house chores and cooked. I only managed to stay put at around 4 in the afternoon. I now understand why Mom cannot seem to stop doing things or moving around the house, and I appreciate her even more now for that. I miss her...

I still want those days back though. The days when I won't and don't feel guilty just because I spent over an hour lying down or watching or basically didn't do anything. I think I'm too young to stop appreciating and enjoying the silence and peace of just staying put.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Black and Blue

My toes are. It's been sore for almost 3 days now and this afternoon it started to turn black and blue. I wrapped my foot with a bandage and wore slippers to work today 'cause it still hurts when I walk or when I try to wear shoes. Not as much as yesterday, but it still does. I was going to see a doctor but I no longer think it is still necessary (self-medication anyone! hehehe).

I cant remember the last time I got this "injured". Since I was never a sporty girl, I rarely get hurt (physically). But I guess sooner or later life will find a way to make you experience things you thought you were able to escape. No one's that lucky!

I'm still thankful. It could've been worse. At least I didn't break any bones, I just ended up with black and blue toes.


Monday, September 21, 2009

Recap

All things considered, it was a good weekend! :D

We watched Inglourious Basterds last Saturday which was a relief since we originally planned to watch The Time Traveler's Wife and if that plan did pursue, it'll be my 3rd time to see that movie. The not so good thing that happened that day was that I almost broke my camera :( It will still need a bit of repair and I have to bring it to the service center this week.. sad sad sad. Sunday was a rest full day. The only eventful thing that happened was that I got slightly injured running to catch the caller on my phone. You know when your toe got accidentally caught on a corner while walking or turning, that was what happened, mine got caught on the sofa. And since I was practically running, you can imagine the impact and the pain that ensued after. Until now it is sore and painful and I still can't walk properly. But that didn't stop me from going out today and watch The Ugly Truth which was so funny and worth every penny. :D

Last week I also decided to put my itouch on shuffle so that I'll be able to listen to all the songs I have and appreciate them. So when I was listening to it this afternoon, the song Somebody to Love by Queen played and I remember this particular rendition from Ella Enchanted.


Which also made me look for one of my favorite Disney songs from Thumbelina.


This may not be as popular as most of the Disney songs but I really really like it.

After the rain goes, there are rainbows. I'll find my rainbow soon...

Sigh... back to work tomorrow... Sigh...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Tipsy

Cheap chandeliers on the ceiling
Wine glasses on the coffee table
Cigarettes burning quickly

Lips moving that I can't hear
Smiles that easily turn into tears
Things are all in slow motion

The city lights so bright
Songs playing so loud
Want them all out of my head

Hands numb and cold
Eyes with clear glazed look
Full of empty empty thoughts

With my back on the wall
Trying hard to remember
That I wish to forget

13Sep2009 2:08am



Friday, September 18, 2009

Monkey Bars

I only played with it twice. The first time was way way back, grade school days. I was with my mom and sister at a playground beside a small grocery store we frequented. I actually was scared of trying it because I'm afraid that my arms won't be able to carry my own weight. But nevertheless, I dared myself to do it. I was halfway through when a boy stumped me by running in front as I was about to move on to the next bar. Needless to say, I accidentally let go, and fell - on my butt. It did hurt. I guess at that time it really really hurt. I managed not to cry but I also told myself that I'd never ever ever try it again. I don't want to be in such pain and be humiliated in front of other kids. After almost 2 decades since that incident, I tried the monkey bars again. I was this time with friends strolling along a park near their place. There were trampouline, see-saw, monkey bars and other stuff. We were kids once again - wiser, stronger and braver kids. So I tried the monkey bars a second time. And finally, after a few minutes of excruciating pain in my arms (man, was I heavy), I was able to get through the other side with a big smile on my face. =)

There are a lot things I told myself I'd never do again. But I guess, when the time is right, when I'm ready and prepared, I'll probably try them all again a second time.




A weekend we can call our own

Finally. After weeks of grueling work, we can finally own this weekend. Don't get me wrong, our tasks are a far cry from completed and the worst is yet to come for our team, but for the next 3 days, we are told not to work. Yipee!

I know for most people, this is the norm, after all, it is the weekend. But unfortunately for us, it hasn't been like that for the longest time. The things that should be normal like being able to go home at 6 (or latest 7) and going out on Fridays are luxuries we are unable to afford. Most of us get disoriented on days when we get to go home early or spend a few hours not working. The only thing that lifts our spirits up is the fact that we enjoy each others company. As the saying goes "Misery loves company" and man are we miserable (because of work)!

So, this weekend we will try not to think about work. We will enjoy it and live it and own it. =D


Hmmm... I guess they just want us recharged because we'll be grilled and burned come UAT. Oh well...


Years from Now

I want to have kids
To chase and kiss goodnight
Running, stumbling
And who'll hug me tight

I want to have a life
Of no regrets and lies
Something that'll drown
All the tears that I've cried

I want to have shared kindness
As much as I can
To those who've met me
And those that needed a hand

I want to have collected memories
Of family and friends
Of all that life had offered
Before my story ends


16Sep2009 10:10pm

Monday, September 14, 2009

at a lost

I am...

Most of the time
I don't know what I'm doing
And what I am suppose to do
Am I pretending?
I don't think so
I never said I can
Nor did I say I could
I tried to learn
But one can only learn so much
With such short time
How long can I do this?
I don't know
I'll keep on trying
Until I fail? succeed?
Give up...


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Coolness!!!

Cool song, cool crowd!


Something that made me smile today.


Undecided

That's what I am right now.
I want to leave but by doing so, I'll end up making things difficult for the people around me. Those that I'll leave behind. I'll disappoint them, big time.
And if I did leave, will I be better off? I don't know, I'll never know unless I do. Most of the time, I desperately want to.
I need to be strong, but for whom? The people who truly truly loves me will understand right? They should. I hope they would.



Awake

This was written 02Jul1999. College days.

Late night madness
No choice but to hurtle for silence
Getting no immediate answers
Being patient and ponders

Aesthetic things remain a beauty
Cannot find things of sincerity
Words contradict the actions
Looking at the mere reflections

Find a small space for rest
Where thinking will be of the best
A place to find serenity
To have a feeling of security

Selfishness gets no reward
Being nothing but a coward
Waiting for the coming decisions
Have to accept what can be a collision

Being somewhere forever
Getting tomorrow earlier
Knowing nothing but what pleases
Letting each pain eases

Equivocating the questions
Waiting for nothing but the seasons
Evening darkness eats the light
Has to find a place to hide



Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Hooked, Lined and Sinking

Hooked
Those lovely new features
Smile reminiscent of my childhood
Eyes that melt me away
Genteel actions that comes your way
Lined
You made me stutter when I speak
My knees buckle and fall weak
Leaving my mind empty at one glance
Just one look and I'm in a trance
Sinking
Hopelessly shoving off thoughts of you
Denying that this daftness is even true
Please don't let me keep on falling
'Cause by now you got me hooked, lined and sinking

- 09Sep2009 12:44AM


As I Now Lay

A big house with empty spaces
Days filled with masquerades and paper faces
Facing white blank walls
Treading on glass made floors
Holding on a thin line of hope
Wishing of being able to cope
Seeking strength and patience
Praying for His unending guidance
With sleep evaded existence
Has to live with taciturn persistence
Languid motions of everyday
Yearning for change as I now lay


- 08Sep2009 12MN


Sunday, September 6, 2009

The week that was

Sunday: Arrived from Manila on a rainy afternoon, unpacked and packed again
Monday: Still on leave but sick
Tuesday: Managed to get better, went to work, had an interview
Wednesday: Not feeling so well
Thursday: Still not feeling well but went to work, had a good lunch at Jologs, had dinner at Carls Jr., watched The Time Traveler's Wife
Friday: Shouldn't have gone to work (cough and colds) but did, had lunch at Carls Jr.
Saturday: Went out and bought some stuff, checked out the new place, packed the rest of our things
Sunday: Continued packing the whole day, moved to the new place, wrote this blog

I need happy food, some good news and a lot of hug this coming week...


Saturday, September 5, 2009

Our house is a mess... =(

My bed is a mess.
We are suppose to be packing 'cause we'll be moving to a new place by tomorrow but none of us has started to do so.
I'm still doing our laundry. =(
I'm still not feeling so well.
So tired.
So sad.

Missing home so bad...