2010 is almost here

It’s the last day of the year. I’m at the office working (as of the moment, actually blogging). I was supposed to be on leave. But, someone got sick and I have to be around just in case something came up.
Typing is so hard because I had my right wrist wrapped in a bandage. It’s been hurting for a few days now (right after the climb), especially when it is cold. At night, I reeked of BenGay, my sister would complain. Aside from this injury, I still have a cough. Already saw the doctor, gave me some meds, but it’s been 3 days now and nothing.
I’m planning to leave early today, around 3 maybe. I have to lift my spirits up and this environment is barely doing the trick.
It’s almost lunch time. Men-tei Ramen sounds nice for lunch…
The clock is ticking, 2010 is almost here...

Climb On!

A Happy Happy Christmas to all!!!

It's my 3rd consecutive Christmas here in Singapore. Although my Christmas could've been happier if I were in the Philippines with my family, celebrating it here wasn't that bad. After the anticipated Christmas mass, me, my sister and our friend/housemate had a quick dinner and went straight to Paulaners to meet another friend and had a few drinks while waiting for Christmas to come. Good thing the bar was giving away different hats for the celebration and we were fortunate enough to get the cool ones! =D

Christmas Day - we had Japanese Christmas lunch at Sakae Sushi and watched Avatar in 3D which was worth every penny. We didn't even notice how long the movie was because James Cameron made those 3 hours worthwhile. Kudos to him for making such a spectacular film that will definitely be another historical achievement for Hollywood!

Saturday was the rest day for us and I get to finish another book. Finally! After procrastinating reading for a while, I decided to go through my stack of unread books and pull out Freakonomics which was interesting and was something new for me since I'm mostly into novels. I have picked out another novel to read and I'm hoping I'll be able to finish it before 2009 ends.

Today was the highlight of my Christmas weekend as I attended the Level 1 Climbing workshop!!! A feat for me considering that I was never a big fan of such type of activities. I mean, I appreciate it and watch other people enjoy it, but I never entertained the thought of me actually doing the climbing. Hehehe. It was something new for me and I'm actually liking it. I didn't came out of it unscathed though - I got a bruise an inch and a half in diameter in my left leg. Tsk tsk tsk... And to top it off, my right wrist hurts, I might have sprained it, I might not have. Regardless, I enjoyed it! And the best thing was, I am now Level 1 certified (am not sure that's the right term). Yipee! And we got 2 days free climbing pass just for passing the course, another Yipee!

Finally, to add icing to my long Christmas weekend, I am on leave from work tomorrow. =D

This may not be the best Christmas, but I'm very thankful that the Birthday Celebrant made sure it will be a good one! Thanks Bro! and Happy Happy (belated) Birthday!!!

A letter to Sean...

I don't know if you would still remember, but everytime I'd go home from Singapore, you'd always tell me not to go back there. You'd only say this once on my every trip home and would never mention it again for the rest of my stay.
Remember when we watched a movie and I thought that you wanted to sit with your Mom so I didn't force you to sit with me.I felt so overwhelmed when Ate Lan told me that you wanted to sit beside me so we asked JV to change seats with you. You're so sweet and I hope you'd grow old that way.

I hope you don't break any girl's hearts because I know, with your looks, you'll be capable of doing that.
You and your sister never asked for anything and appreciate every small or big things we give you. Never selfish and always share stuff with others, well with the exception of Kurt... Hehehe... He easily annoys you, probably because he's a bit hard headed.

And speaking of Kurt, I remember the story where you kicked him because he was hurting Pauline unintentionally. Kurt was still very young and didn't know what he's doing, he thought it was still a game. Kicking him was not right but I am glad that your initial response was to save your sister. Although as you grow up, try to avoid violence, it wouldn't do you good. Always take good care of your sister and parents.Protect them as much as you can.
I am writing this 'cause I want a written account of how you were as a child. I don't want to forget. I don't want the people around you to forget. Most of all, I don't want you to forget. I want you to remember that you're capable of being sweet, selfless, strong and loving. This is you, will always be you.

Back Home

The familiar morning scent of my room
Pillows, sheets and blankets all groomed
Greeted with smiles and hugs
From those that I've missed so much

Stories over coffee, wine and beer
Laughing until we all end up in tears
Reminiscing friends and old lovers
And of our self made tall towers

Surrounded with happy faces
Kids and adults of all ages
Four generations of love and laughter
I'm glad to be part of this ever after

04Dec2009

The Dream

I had a happy dream last night

A dream I thought I forgot

Had pushed at the back of my head

But it doesn't seem so

If I can

I would not want to remember

The dream

The reality

The you

10Dec2009 5:03pm

I want to run...

... away

... to you

... home

... but I always end up running in circles

My Midnight Hymn

As the night wind rattles my windows

With the starless evening sky

I wrap myself with a blanket

And close my tired tired eyes

I pray that sleep comes soon

For I no longer want to think

Hoping for empty thoughts

For my worries to let me be

I wish for a dreamless slumber

To venture into nothingness

For when I open my eyes

I'll see how I made such a mess

So sleep please visit me now

I don't want to wait long

This is my evening prayer

This is my midnight song

23Nov2009 11:30pm

Take 2

This is the 2nd time this has happened...

Nakakainis na ang taong gusto mo, ina-assume na sa iba ka may gusto. Sana idilat niya ang maliliit niyang mga mata.

Kung pwede lang talaga...

House Red

I never preferred red wine. I didn't like how it taste and how it smelled. But a week ago, at a celebration, I was given a choice between red wine and Tiger Beer. If I didn't like red wine, I didn't like Tiger Beer more. I could actually order a different drink but I would be like the odd man out. So, I chose the wine.

I guess we will always find ourselves in a situation where you have to make a choice between the things you never really liked. And the best approach to take is to choose the lesser evil (like in the upcoming Presidential elections). And our decisions and choices might surprise us. It might lead us to things we never really thought we would be able to appreciate. We might actually enjoy it.

At the end the evening it was never really about how I managed to drink 3 glasses of something I never liked. But how I enjoyed every moment of it because of the people I'm celebrating with. Because of the memories we are weaving. Because of the wonderful evening we are having. Because of the stars that are shining on our happy faces...

Happy Endings

I am not a fan of such. You can call me bitter, pessimistic, a Scrooge and anything you can think of. I just think they're like fairy tales for the old. It makes people believe in the unbelievable and set high expectations on life. And life and everything that revolves around it usually ends up in disappointment, pain and regret. It's always a cycle. A rainbow after the rain. The calm before the storm.

I guess the reason why I dislike it is because I haven't had my happy ending yet. And even if it arrives, will I still be able to enjoy it? After all, as the phrase says, it is the End.

My Sinner and Saint

In this world of clear cut lines

Just between black and white

Adored a god of good

And enjoyed absurd pleasures

Loved for unadulterated happiness

Have 'caused others pain

Told children fairy tale endings

Believed in tragedies

Looked but dared to touch

Crushed the heart held in hand

31Oct2009 12:43am

A Sad Question

How are you?

I'm good , fine, great or ok is the usual response. Well, those are the expected response. But what if that is not what you feel? What if you're feeling the exact opposite? Do you lie or do you tell them the truth? Do they even really mean it when they ask you that question or are they just being polite?

'Cause there are times when you just want to blurt out that you're not fine, in fact, you're feeling so awful that you want to disappear. And you don't want to lie anymore. You want to put down the stupid mask and end the happy facade that's beginning to tire you out. But you can't and you won't.

So next time I get asked this question, I might as well tell them the truth and respond with a smile "I feel like jumping in a pool".

By the way, I don't know how to swim...

We're Good

The day is coming to a close
This side of the world is getting dark
You put a dot on your last words
A silly smile drawn in my heart
The waiting game is over
Long before we realized
Our lives have moved on
Without having to decide
We're as good as it gets
Learned too long how to let go
It may have been with regrets
But we'll go on with the flow

15Oct2009 07:25PM

Wishing for a starry sky tonight

It's a Friday. The day started with heavy rains. But I think the sun is starting to come out. I still hear thunders though. A few more hours. And then we can drown our sorrows and laugh away our pains. Even for just a moment, our smiles will be sincere.

Thank You God for friends.

I hope I'd see a starry sky tonight...

Why?

A random thought.

Most of the time I wonder why, we, people do the things we do. The hurtful things. How some people could do inhumane acts to their own kind.

I guess we are all capable of good and bad. We can choose though, right? Why would some opt the latter.

I don't think I could ever understand. Maybe I would not want to.

It's just sad.

I don't like me happy

I never really liked me when I'm happy and hopeful. I feel like sooner or later something's gonna go wrong or things are going to break. That's me, a pessimistic, worrier lass. I know it's probably one of the reasons why I'm such a serious person and unable to enjoy the happy moments life and destiny has provided me. At times I wish that I could change me. But sometimes I feel that that specific characteristic keeps me from getting hurt. So now I have to choose between being too happy or possibly getting disappointed...

I hate me happy and giddy

Because of what I feel it says

I shouldn't feel ecstatic

For the things that was never said

I must not read between the lines

It may mean something else

But for now I'll stay lightheaded

At least until tonight

I'll crush my own hopes tomorrow

At the first sign of light

11Oct2009 1:08pm

Thin Wooden Walls

Woken by a silent cry

Lying on a shaky ground

But here I see just a smile

And nothing else all around

Ears pressed, muffled sounds

Hums and buzz going about

Touching with sleepy hands

Breathing slow near your heart

This evening will come to pass

We'll forget and leave behind

Sheets, pillows and tears

The night, deaf and blind

13Sep209 2:24am

Melt with Me

Tonight your stare

Be embedded in my eyes

As time stood still

I'll dream of you

Of the moment

I melt at your gaze

And as our arms

Brush each other

The closest I'll ever be

To having you

26Sep2009 2:49am

Not a good week for Asia

Storms, typhoons, earthquakes and tsunamis...

Not a very good week for Asia. Lives lost, infrastructures damaged and people traumatized. There's no use pointing fingers. It is nature. All we can now do is salvage what can be salvaged, help as much as we can and live learning the lessons it has taught us.

We must move on and take care of our planet, it is the only one we've got.

I don't want to be safe alone

It's been a very very sad weekend for the Filipino people. Typhoon Ondoy (international name:Ketsana) left out capital and nearby provinces and cities devastated. There were flood everywhere even on the areas where flood was never a problem. And it was not just simple knee deep flood. It was as high as a house or even higher.

I was very worried for my family and relatives. It was very hard to contact them as the communication lines were all down. I am thankful that the flood in our subdivision was not as bad as the nearby villages. It was only knee deep and it did not reach our front steps, it was the first time it happened. It was a very worrying sight. However, some of my relatives were not as lucky as we are. My Uncle's house was filled with flood water that they have to stay at the 2nd floor of their neighbor's house where they ran out of food waiting for help to arrive or rain to stop. They have a 1 month old grandchild with them whose father was stranded in the office. My cousin's place was also flooded, good thing was they have a 2nd floor to retreat to. Last I check, they're all fine now and the flood has subsided a bit but not yet completely gone. I have friends who experienced the same thing with their families in Manila.

It makes us realize that all material things that we have can be gone in a flash. That what we think is important or valuable is really not. It doesn't matter how much we earn or what our status in society is. That in the end, all that matters is our family and their safety. That we're all together and in tact and safe.

It made me want to go home so bad. I don't care if it is not safe. I just want to be with them.

Staying Put

I went to see the doctor today,. Well, I got a bit scared since my stubbed toe still hasn't healed. I went to the clinic one bus stop from our Client's so that I can go straight to work after. However, after the doctor checked my toe, I was advised to take the day off and rest my foot or prop it on a pillow.

The problem is, once I got home, I can't seem to stay still. The idea of just lying down and not do anything but read a book seems so foreign to me now. So, instead, I did some house chores and cooked. I only managed to stay put at around 4 in the afternoon. I now understand why Mom cannot seem to stop doing things or moving around the house, and I appreciate her even more now for that. I miss her...

I still want those days back though. The days when I won't and don't feel guilty just because I spent over an hour lying down or watching or basically didn't do anything. I think I'm too young to stop appreciating and enjoying the silence and peace of just staying put.

Black and Blue

My toes are. It's been sore for almost 3 days now and this afternoon it started to turn black and blue. I wrapped my foot with a bandage and wore slippers to work today 'cause it still hurts when I walk or when I try to wear shoes. Not as much as yesterday, but it still does. I was going to see a doctor but I no longer think it is still necessary (self-medication anyone! hehehe).

I cant remember the last time I got this "injured". Since I was never a sporty girl, I rarely get hurt (physically). But I guess sooner or later life will find a way to make you experience things you thought you were able to escape. No one's that lucky!

I'm still thankful. It could've been worse. At least I didn't break any bones, I just ended up with black and blue toes.

Recap

All things considered, it was a good weekend! :D

We watched Inglourious Basterds last Saturday which was a relief since we originally planned to watch The Time Traveler's Wife and if that plan did pursue, it'll be my 3rd time to see that movie. The not so good thing that happened that day was that I almost broke my camera :( It will still need a bit of repair and I have to bring it to the service center this week.. sad sad sad. Sunday was a rest full day. The only eventful thing that happened was that I got slightly injured running to catch the caller on my phone. You know when your toe got accidentally caught on a corner while walking or turning, that was what happened, mine got caught on the sofa. And since I was practically running, you can imagine the impact and the pain that ensued after. Until now it is sore and painful and I still can't walk properly. But that didn't stop me from going out today and watch The Ugly Truth which was so funny and worth every penny. :D

Last week I also decided to put my itouch on shuffle so that I'll be able to listen to all the songs I have and appreciate them. So when I was listening to it this afternoon, the song Somebody to Love by Queen played and I remember this particular rendition from Ella Enchanted.

Which also made me look for one of my favorite Disney songs from Thumbelina.

This may not be as popular as most of the Disney songs but I really really like it.

After the rain goes, there are rainbows. I'll find my rainbow soon...

Sigh... back to work tomorrow... Sigh...

Tipsy

Cheap chandeliers on the ceiling

Wine glasses on the coffee table

Cigarettes burning quickly

Lips moving that I can't hear

Smiles that easily turn into tears

Things are all in slow motion

The city lights so bright

Songs playing so loud

Want them all out of my head

Hands numb and cold

Eyes with clear glazed look

Full of empty empty thoughts

With my back on the wall

Trying hard to remember

That I wish to forget

13Sep2009 2:08am

Monkey Bars

I only played with it twice. The first time was way way back, grade school days. I was with my mom and sister at a playground beside a small grocery store we frequented. I actually was scared of trying it because I'm afraid that my arms won't be able to carry my own weight. But nevertheless, I dared myself to do it. I was halfway through when a boy stumped me by running in front as I was about to move on to the next bar. Needless to say, I accidentally let go, and fell - on my butt. It did hurt. I guess at that time it really really hurt. I managed not to cry but I also told myself that I'd never ever ever try it again. I don't want to be in such pain and be humiliated in front of other kids. After almost 2 decades since that incident, I tried the monkey bars again. I was this time with friends strolling along a park near their place. There were trampouline, see-saw, monkey bars and other stuff. We were kids once again - wiser, stronger and braver kids. So I tried the monkey bars a second time. And finally, after a few minutes of excruciating pain in my arms (man, was I heavy), I was able to get through the other side with a big smile on my face. =)

There are a lot things I told myself I'd never do again. But I guess, when the time is right, when I'm ready and prepared, I'll probably try them all again a second time.

A weekend we can call our own

Finally. After weeks of grueling work, we can finally own this weekend. Don't get me wrong, our tasks are a far cry from completed and the worst is yet to come for our team, but for the next 3 days, we are told not to work. Yipee!

I know for most people, this is the norm, after all, it is the weekend. But unfortunately for us, it hasn't been like that for the longest time. The things that should be normal like being able to go home at 6 (or latest 7) and going out on Fridays are luxuries we are unable to afford. Most of us get disoriented on days when we get to go home early or spend a few hours not working. The only thing that lifts our spirits up is the fact that we enjoy each others company. As the saying goes "Misery loves company" and man are we miserable (because of work)!

So, this weekend we will try not to think about work. We will enjoy it and live it and own it. =D

Hmmm... I guess they just want us recharged because we'll be grilled and burned come UAT. Oh well...

Years from Now

I want to have kids
To chase and kiss goodnight
Running, stumbling
And who'll hug me tight

I want to have a life
Of no regrets and lies
Something that'll drown
All the tears that I've cried

I want to have shared kindness
As much as I can
To those who've met me
And those that needed a hand

I want to have collected memories
Of family and friends
Of all that life had offered
Before my story ends


16Sep2009 10:10pm

at a lost

I am...

Most of the time

I don't know what I'm doing

And what I am suppose to do

Am I pretending?

I don't think so

I never said I can

Nor did I say I could

I tried to learn

But one can only learn so much

With such short time

How long can I do this?

I don't know

I'll keep on trying

Until I fail? succeed?

Give up...

Coolness!!!

Cool song, cool crowd!

Something that made me smile today.

Undecided

That's what I am right now.
I want to leave but by doing so, I'll end up making things difficult for the people around me. Those that I'll leave behind. I'll disappoint them, big time.
And if I did leave, will I be better off? I don't know, I'll never know unless I do. Most of the time, I desperately want to.
I need to be strong, but for whom? The people who truly truly loves me will understand right? They should. I hope they would.

Awake

This was written 02Jul1999. College days.

Late night madness

No choice but to hurtle for silence

Getting no immediate answers

Being patient and ponders

Aesthetic things remain a beauty

Cannot find things of sincerity

Words contradict the actions

Looking at the mere reflections

Find a small space for rest

Where thinking will be of the best

A place to find serenity

To have a feeling of security

Selfishness gets no reward

Being nothing but a coward

Waiting for the coming decisions

Have to accept what can be a collision

Being somewhere forever

Getting tomorrow earlier

Knowing nothing but what pleases

Letting each pain eases

Equivocating the questions

Waiting for nothing but the seasons

Evening darkness eats the light

Has to find a place to hide

Hooked, Lined and Sinking

Hooked

Those lovely new features

Smile reminiscent of my childhood

Eyes that melt me away

Genteel actions that comes your way

Lined

You made me stutter when I speak

My knees buckle and fall weak

Leaving my mind empty at one glance

Just one look and I'm in a trance

Sinking

Hopelessly shoving off thoughts of you

Denying that this daftness is even true

Please don't let me keep on falling

'Cause by now you got me hooked, lined and sinking

- 09Sep2009 12:44AM

As I Now Lay

A big house with empty spaces

Days filled with masquerades and paper faces

Facing white blank walls

Treading on glass made floors

Holding on a thin line of hope

Wishing of being able to cope

Seeking strength and patience

Praying for His unending guidance

With sleep evaded existence

Has to live with taciturn persistence

Languid motions of everyday

Yearning for change as I now lay

- 08Sep2009 12MN

The week that was

Sunday: Arrived from Manila on a rainy afternoon, unpacked and packed again

Monday: Still on leave but sick

Tuesday: Managed to get better, went to work, had an interview

Wednesday: Not feeling so well

Thursday: Still not feeling well but went to work, had a good lunch at Jologs, had dinner at Carls Jr., watched The Time Traveler's Wife

Friday: Shouldn't have gone to work (cough and colds) but did, had lunch at Carls Jr.

Saturday: Went out and bought some stuff, checked out the new place, packed the rest of our things

Sunday: Continued packing the whole day, moved to the new place, wrote this blog

I need happy food, some good news and a lot of hug this coming week...

Our house is a mess... =(

My bed is a mess.

We are suppose to be packing 'cause we'll be moving to a new place by tomorrow but none of us has started to do so.

I'm still doing our laundry. =(

I'm still not feeling so well.

So tired.

So sad.

Missing home so bad...

- Drowning -

A few nights ago I dreamed that I was drowning. It started with me walking on this old wooden bridge in the lake. The bridge was visibly broken and unstable but I continued on. As expected, I fell in the lake. The truth is, I don't really know how to swim, and I guess my subconscious mind also knows that for I did not try to swim or even struggle. I just let myself fall and drown. Moments later my cousin (i think) jumped in the lake and saved me. That's all I can remember from that dream. I made myself not forget this particular dream because I wanted to know what it means.

Drowning, To Drown, Partner Drowned, Drowning Partner

• To dream of drowning, denotes loss of property and life; but if you are rescued, you will rise from your present position to one of wealth and honor.

Drowning Dream Meaning

Psychological Meaning: Dreams of drowning or struggling in treacherous waters may represent your fear of being swallowed by forces hidden in the depths of your unconscious. You may be proceeding too quickly with your opening of the unconscious. It may be helpful to talk your problems and fears through with a friend. They may be able to throw you a lifeline and help you 'keep your head above water'. The dream also shows how you are being overwhelmed by your emotions. You may fear sinking financially or be drowning in your difficulties. Do you feel that, in waking life, you are being 'sucked into' something you would rather not be a part of? Pause for a while and make sure you have your 'feet firmly on solid ground' before you make any major decision.

Mystical Meaning: A business will flounder if you dream of drowning but will succeed if you are rescued.

Good thing I was rescued... =)

I was poetic - 10 years ago

I have this guy friend whom I met a couple of months ago who, apparently was into writing poems. So, it prompted me to look for this specific notebook I know I had when I was in College where I wrote some of my poems. Good thing I was able to find it in still good condition. =)

Nice cover right?

I also used Gel pens in blue and green, my favorite color back then, to write.

I wonder where i got/who gave me these dried rose petals...

I'm thinking of posting some of my works here soon... =)

In less than 12 hours

I'll be on a plane. Forcing a strong front. Thinking of things that'll make me laugh. Or even just a smile. I was born this way or rather made this way. A sad and emotional being. A weakling. But I don't care. 'Cause I'll be cying soon. And I'm gonna hide it from the rest of the world.

A week of starless sky... just when I need them the most...

Busy as a Bee

I just realized how busy and preoccupied I was when this evening, after seeing a post of a friend in facebook, I found out that I have totally forgotten about an upcoming musical we are to watch tomorrow - Spelling Bee.

It has been one hell of a month for us. Working on holidays and weekends, one even stayed overnight, a couple stayed until 2am and some (including me) will work for 2 weeks straight. We are all tired and frustrated and pressured and sick of it all. But we are all in it, maybe together, maybe not. At least we are all there to cheer each other up, to make fun of the people around us and to listen and rant when that's the only thing we can do. I mean, when you're already at the bottom, there's no way left but up, right? Well, ok, maybe not, we might get stuck there. But what the heck, being stuck there with these people can be one the best things that will ever happen to me. =)

So, tomorrow is another busy, busy day - go to work (on a Sunday), go to the Philippine Embassy (to get OEC), buy something for Momsie and Daddy and watch Spelling Bee.

We'll make it out alive, well, probably barely, but still, hopefully alive.

Shoes make us happy!!

Saw this while having a late night stroll at ION....

Very appropriate!!!

Losing sleep

What do you do when you can't sleep?

Start counting sheeps? Daydream of things that'll never be? Or just lie awake in silence wishing and hoping sleep will come soon? Tried doing them all, now I'm resorting to just having a drink before hitting the sack... Will it work? I hope, if it doesn't then maybe I'm destined to lose sleep, like lose time I never had.

Maybe I'll have a few more drinks tomorrow, that, I hope will do the trick... :(