I don't want to be safe alone

It's been a very very sad weekend for the Filipino people. Typhoon Ondoy (international name:Ketsana) left out capital and nearby provinces and cities devastated. There were flood everywhere even on the areas where flood was never a problem. And it was not just simple knee deep flood. It was as high as a house or even higher.

I was very worried for my family and relatives. It was very hard to contact them as the communication lines were all down. I am thankful that the flood in our subdivision was not as bad as the nearby villages. It was only knee deep and it did not reach our front steps, it was the first time it happened. It was a very worrying sight. However, some of my relatives were not as lucky as we are. My Uncle's house was filled with flood water that they have to stay at the 2nd floor of their neighbor's house where they ran out of food waiting for help to arrive or rain to stop. They have a 1 month old grandchild with them whose father was stranded in the office. My cousin's place was also flooded, good thing was they have a 2nd floor to retreat to. Last I check, they're all fine now and the flood has subsided a bit but not yet completely gone. I have friends who experienced the same thing with their families in Manila.

It makes us realize that all material things that we have can be gone in a flash. That what we think is important or valuable is really not. It doesn't matter how much we earn or what our status in society is. That in the end, all that matters is our family and their safety. That we're all together and in tact and safe.

It made me want to go home so bad. I don't care if it is not safe. I just want to be with them.

Staying Put

I went to see the doctor today,. Well, I got a bit scared since my stubbed toe still hasn't healed. I went to the clinic one bus stop from our Client's so that I can go straight to work after. However, after the doctor checked my toe, I was advised to take the day off and rest my foot or prop it on a pillow.

The problem is, once I got home, I can't seem to stay still. The idea of just lying down and not do anything but read a book seems so foreign to me now. So, instead, I did some house chores and cooked. I only managed to stay put at around 4 in the afternoon. I now understand why Mom cannot seem to stop doing things or moving around the house, and I appreciate her even more now for that. I miss her...

I still want those days back though. The days when I won't and don't feel guilty just because I spent over an hour lying down or watching or basically didn't do anything. I think I'm too young to stop appreciating and enjoying the silence and peace of just staying put.

Black and Blue

My toes are. It's been sore for almost 3 days now and this afternoon it started to turn black and blue. I wrapped my foot with a bandage and wore slippers to work today 'cause it still hurts when I walk or when I try to wear shoes. Not as much as yesterday, but it still does. I was going to see a doctor but I no longer think it is still necessary (self-medication anyone! hehehe).

I cant remember the last time I got this "injured". Since I was never a sporty girl, I rarely get hurt (physically). But I guess sooner or later life will find a way to make you experience things you thought you were able to escape. No one's that lucky!

I'm still thankful. It could've been worse. At least I didn't break any bones, I just ended up with black and blue toes.

Recap

All things considered, it was a good weekend! :D

We watched Inglourious Basterds last Saturday which was a relief since we originally planned to watch The Time Traveler's Wife and if that plan did pursue, it'll be my 3rd time to see that movie. The not so good thing that happened that day was that I almost broke my camera :( It will still need a bit of repair and I have to bring it to the service center this week.. sad sad sad. Sunday was a rest full day. The only eventful thing that happened was that I got slightly injured running to catch the caller on my phone. You know when your toe got accidentally caught on a corner while walking or turning, that was what happened, mine got caught on the sofa. And since I was practically running, you can imagine the impact and the pain that ensued after. Until now it is sore and painful and I still can't walk properly. But that didn't stop me from going out today and watch The Ugly Truth which was so funny and worth every penny. :D

Last week I also decided to put my itouch on shuffle so that I'll be able to listen to all the songs I have and appreciate them. So when I was listening to it this afternoon, the song Somebody to Love by Queen played and I remember this particular rendition from Ella Enchanted.

Which also made me look for one of my favorite Disney songs from Thumbelina.

This may not be as popular as most of the Disney songs but I really really like it.

After the rain goes, there are rainbows. I'll find my rainbow soon...

Sigh... back to work tomorrow... Sigh...

Tipsy

Cheap chandeliers on the ceiling

Wine glasses on the coffee table

Cigarettes burning quickly

Lips moving that I can't hear

Smiles that easily turn into tears

Things are all in slow motion

The city lights so bright

Songs playing so loud

Want them all out of my head

Hands numb and cold

Eyes with clear glazed look

Full of empty empty thoughts

With my back on the wall

Trying hard to remember

That I wish to forget

13Sep2009 2:08am

Monkey Bars

I only played with it twice. The first time was way way back, grade school days. I was with my mom and sister at a playground beside a small grocery store we frequented. I actually was scared of trying it because I'm afraid that my arms won't be able to carry my own weight. But nevertheless, I dared myself to do it. I was halfway through when a boy stumped me by running in front as I was about to move on to the next bar. Needless to say, I accidentally let go, and fell - on my butt. It did hurt. I guess at that time it really really hurt. I managed not to cry but I also told myself that I'd never ever ever try it again. I don't want to be in such pain and be humiliated in front of other kids. After almost 2 decades since that incident, I tried the monkey bars again. I was this time with friends strolling along a park near their place. There were trampouline, see-saw, monkey bars and other stuff. We were kids once again - wiser, stronger and braver kids. So I tried the monkey bars a second time. And finally, after a few minutes of excruciating pain in my arms (man, was I heavy), I was able to get through the other side with a big smile on my face. =)

There are a lot things I told myself I'd never do again. But I guess, when the time is right, when I'm ready and prepared, I'll probably try them all again a second time.

A weekend we can call our own

Finally. After weeks of grueling work, we can finally own this weekend. Don't get me wrong, our tasks are a far cry from completed and the worst is yet to come for our team, but for the next 3 days, we are told not to work. Yipee!

I know for most people, this is the norm, after all, it is the weekend. But unfortunately for us, it hasn't been like that for the longest time. The things that should be normal like being able to go home at 6 (or latest 7) and going out on Fridays are luxuries we are unable to afford. Most of us get disoriented on days when we get to go home early or spend a few hours not working. The only thing that lifts our spirits up is the fact that we enjoy each others company. As the saying goes "Misery loves company" and man are we miserable (because of work)!

So, this weekend we will try not to think about work. We will enjoy it and live it and own it. =D

Hmmm... I guess they just want us recharged because we'll be grilled and burned come UAT. Oh well...

Years from Now

I want to have kids
To chase and kiss goodnight
Running, stumbling
And who'll hug me tight

I want to have a life
Of no regrets and lies
Something that'll drown
All the tears that I've cried

I want to have shared kindness
As much as I can
To those who've met me
And those that needed a hand

I want to have collected memories
Of family and friends
Of all that life had offered
Before my story ends


16Sep2009 10:10pm

at a lost

I am...

Most of the time

I don't know what I'm doing

And what I am suppose to do

Am I pretending?

I don't think so

I never said I can

Nor did I say I could

I tried to learn

But one can only learn so much

With such short time

How long can I do this?

I don't know

I'll keep on trying

Until I fail? succeed?

Give up...

Coolness!!!

Cool song, cool crowd!

Something that made me smile today.

Undecided

That's what I am right now.
I want to leave but by doing so, I'll end up making things difficult for the people around me. Those that I'll leave behind. I'll disappoint them, big time.
And if I did leave, will I be better off? I don't know, I'll never know unless I do. Most of the time, I desperately want to.
I need to be strong, but for whom? The people who truly truly loves me will understand right? They should. I hope they would.

Awake

This was written 02Jul1999. College days.

Late night madness

No choice but to hurtle for silence

Getting no immediate answers

Being patient and ponders

Aesthetic things remain a beauty

Cannot find things of sincerity

Words contradict the actions

Looking at the mere reflections

Find a small space for rest

Where thinking will be of the best

A place to find serenity

To have a feeling of security

Selfishness gets no reward

Being nothing but a coward

Waiting for the coming decisions

Have to accept what can be a collision

Being somewhere forever

Getting tomorrow earlier

Knowing nothing but what pleases

Letting each pain eases

Equivocating the questions

Waiting for nothing but the seasons

Evening darkness eats the light

Has to find a place to hide

Hooked, Lined and Sinking

Hooked

Those lovely new features

Smile reminiscent of my childhood

Eyes that melt me away

Genteel actions that comes your way

Lined

You made me stutter when I speak

My knees buckle and fall weak

Leaving my mind empty at one glance

Just one look and I'm in a trance

Sinking

Hopelessly shoving off thoughts of you

Denying that this daftness is even true

Please don't let me keep on falling

'Cause by now you got me hooked, lined and sinking

- 09Sep2009 12:44AM

As I Now Lay

A big house with empty spaces

Days filled with masquerades and paper faces

Facing white blank walls

Treading on glass made floors

Holding on a thin line of hope

Wishing of being able to cope

Seeking strength and patience

Praying for His unending guidance

With sleep evaded existence

Has to live with taciturn persistence

Languid motions of everyday

Yearning for change as I now lay

- 08Sep2009 12MN

The week that was

Sunday: Arrived from Manila on a rainy afternoon, unpacked and packed again

Monday: Still on leave but sick

Tuesday: Managed to get better, went to work, had an interview

Wednesday: Not feeling so well

Thursday: Still not feeling well but went to work, had a good lunch at Jologs, had dinner at Carls Jr., watched The Time Traveler's Wife

Friday: Shouldn't have gone to work (cough and colds) but did, had lunch at Carls Jr.

Saturday: Went out and bought some stuff, checked out the new place, packed the rest of our things

Sunday: Continued packing the whole day, moved to the new place, wrote this blog

I need happy food, some good news and a lot of hug this coming week...

Our house is a mess... =(

My bed is a mess.

We are suppose to be packing 'cause we'll be moving to a new place by tomorrow but none of us has started to do so.

I'm still doing our laundry. =(

I'm still not feeling so well.

So tired.

So sad.

Missing home so bad...